of family and friends...

I vary between worrying, crying, thinking about the worst possibly outcome and being thankful from moment to moment. I worry because it is so unknown and complicated. I cry because of well, the same reasons. I worry about the worst possible outcome because of well, you get the picture. Though I am thankful for different reasons - I am thankful to know something is wrong {weird to say that in one thought...}, I am thankful for good doctors who are making things happen, I am thankful that I'll be starting some drugs this week that will hopefully make me feel better and I am THANKFUL for my friends and family!!!

I am the kind of person who needs people to know. I want people to know. I want to tell them, teach them, and have as many people with me on this journey that want to come along. I think the more I talk about it the less daunting, scary, and secretive it seems. I know that if I held it in, it would be bad. If I hold anything in - it eats me alive.

At school today I got a compliment from a coworker about sharing my story and that she'd be keeping up and thinking about me - and that made me smile - even as I was on the floor, grimacing with back pain.

My family is pretty much in the group that is already along for the ride, no matter what. My husband has been SO amazing. Like, he's surprising me all the time. He's helping more, he's asking more, he's being great. My parents are amazing. My Mom is reading the same books I am reading and while my Dad and I don't really talk about the details {because that is AWKWARD} I know he's there for me. My extended family, they've all been SO supportive once I told them. They've shared their own stories and trials and offered to be there, anytime, and I truly believe that they will be.

My friends are also pretty awesome. They've done research, asked questions, listened, and let me know they're there. Everyone of them, be it my best friends or my coworkers, have taken the time to understand and not just blow it off. Their support has helped me to feel like this is do-able. It is nice to have such a variety of people supporting me.

**As I was typing this one of my longest friends sent me an email about healthy information and levels of types of foods you should eat. Made me tear up...seriously. Love it.

Fingers crossed.