hey mr. postman...

....hurry and bring me my books!!!

I can't wait for them to get here on Wednesday so I can start reading :-)

So I'm a horribly slightly obsessive. There, I said it, kind of. Okay, I am totally obsessive. If I think of something I usually figure out a way to find out about it or have it ASAP. This PCOS is no exception. I think that's part of my fear. I also tend to give up on myself fairly quickly, which adds another layer to the fear.

In thinking about the insulin resistance part of all of this I'm nervous because I already don't like to cook but I'm thinking I need to change my mind set on that. All of the books that I purchased above are in whole or in part related to an {IR} insulin resistant diet. I'm timidly excited about learning about new foods that are good for me, which foods I like that I can continue to eat, and which foods I need to slowly take out of my weekly diet. I think the hardest thing is going to be when we go out or go elsewhere...Thankfully in one of those books there is a chapter on eating out!!

In thinking about the PCOS part of my life it makes me so super nervous. Sure, I've started taking the Metformin but that is the help with the IR. I'm not ready for the other {ie. infertility} drugs. In fact, I am thinking that I really might go back on BC through the summer to get the IR back in control. I know going back on BC seems counter productive to having a baby but I think I need to focus on myself, my health, and my body for now. For some reason over this last week I've felt very strongly about it. Maybe it is the losing 10 pounds and thinking about how much more I want to lose. In relation to that if I did get pregnant now I don't even want to think about what I'd weight. UG. Talk about depressing.

It's kind of funny to think that, what I've wanting and been trying for 1.5 years is now something I don't want at this time in my life. Well, I want it but I want to be centered first. I NEED to be centered first. At least I think I do. I don't know and chances are it'll take a few paths to get there ~ where ever there may be.

Fingers crossed {that happiness lies ahead}.