-25 pounds...

I CANNOT believe I am down 25* pounds in 4 1/2 months. But then again, I can.

I am working HARD to do this. I am MAKING myself get out there, even if it is for a one mile walk!!

I am doing this. I will do this. I will get to my goal {whatever that may be}. Right now it is 170 but I am starting to BELIEVE I can get lower. I want to be somewhere it is easy to maintain but I suppose that is every one's weight loss goal.

I really love that I'm doing this by exercise and eating right. No fad diets - no "programs" {besides WW}. Just all natural, working out, healthy eating, eating less in quantity, eating less processed foods. Well, I should mention that I am still taking 500mg of Metformin...so I guess I am doing that but that's doctors orders ;-) And if that is what is helping me then I'm going to take it for the rest of ever!!

Fingers crossed.

*The 25 pounds is since 1.2.12 when I joined WW. The heaviest I ever got that I recorded was 22. So...when you take that in to account I've lost over 32. I think it is important to remember that...because I've come a long ways!!

comfortably uncomfortable....

This quote speaks volumes to me. I've been out of my comfort zones for a few months now and I have to say it is nice being comfortably uncomfortable. Or, at least, it is what I need to be doing.
Up until 4 months ago comfortable for me was coming home at 4:30 and sitting on the couch until I either made dinner or went and got dinner. Mostly, it was the latter. Comfortable was eating crackers, tortilla chips, bread, pasta, and potatoes - on a daily basis and sometime I would think it is safe to say I would eat ALL of them in one day, in fact I am quite sure I did. Comfortable used to be thinking about working out and then not doing it, looking at Craigslist to look at treadmills {knowing that I would never use it}, or buying exercise equipment/video games and never using them. Comfortable was over eating, under exercising, and being unhappy. My old comfort was 1X shirts, size 18 pants, and trying everything I could to cover up every part of my body.

My new comfort is wonderful. It is. I know I am going somewhere and I know I am changing my life. People keep telling me I am inspirational {for the record - I don't think I am}. I am changing my life to live my life. I am changing so I don't get diabetes. I am changing so that if we have children I will be able to carry them both inside and outside the womb, hold them, swing them, and be an active parent.

My new comfort is eating salads for lunch. It is not buying the crackers, chips, pastas, bread, and potatoes. Well, I buy some...but am very purposeful with my carbs now a days. It is fitting back in to pants I haven't word in 4+ years and YES, I saved some of them...though unfortunately not "THE" pair :( Regardless of, I am happy. I've had a lot of tough days but they are getting better and easier to deal with. My current comfortable is size 16 comfortably and size 14 with an inch to spare.

My new comfortable is really starting to show...people I haven't seen in months notice. And you know what, it feels damn good.

FIngers crossed {that this trend continues}.

not that there wasn't enough to worry about...

...I officially have osteoarthritis. In two places. And I'm just barely 29. Awesome.

A few years ago I hurt my back. It all really started in January 2009 for just a few days. I was bending over to get the trash and BAM - down I went. Fast forward 13 months and I did it again - this time bending down to get a paper off a table at school. Horrible. I saw a (HORRIBLE) chiropracter and dealt with the pain and really started putting on the pounds because it just constantly hurt!!! 6 months went by and I did it again but this time I knew I had to get serious. I had an MRI and I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my 3 lower vertarae with the lowest being the worse. I sat around for another year - went in and out of physical therapy - and gain a $%#@ ton of weight. So I've known for a few years that I had it in my back BUT...

...I just found out I have it in the 3 middle toes on my left foot. Seriously?!?! Every time I would stand up in the morning my toes would be numb, I would get random pain even when sitting down, it felt like I constantly had HOT needles in my toes - it was horrible. Thankfully I have a good orthapedist and he was quick to give me a cortozone shot and recommend some orthotics. Oh yes, orthotics. The kind you use insurance to buy. Super classy.

The nice thing is that they aren't that much thicker than my SuperFeet I used to wear. The down fall - they are very spendy and I only have one pair. BUT my toes don't hurt so the hassle of switching show inserts every day is easily superceeded by the painless toes. They still hurt when I walk down hills and I haven't tried hiking {but I will be this Saturday}.

All in all - it is just another thing to deal with. But it's also part of the circle. I found out about the PCOS which helped me find out about the IR which helped me realize I had OA. I'm happy that we are taking the steps to help with all 3 of these things that I am struggling with right now. While the PCOS and the OA will never ever ever go away - the IR could!!! And for that, I am hoping.

Fingers crossed.

minus 10% weight loss...

Left: Sept 2011 - Probably about 215lbs or so...

Right: 5.9.12 - 191.8lbs

Down 10% or 21 pounds since 1.2.12

Part of the reason I'm posting these pictures to hold myself accountable. Partially it is to "inspire" others. And partially it is because I am proud. There, I said it, I am proud of myself. I literally deleted that sentence twice. I don't want to seem like I am bragging because I'm not. I still am overweight. I'm still a size 16 BUT I have lost a lot of inches, weight, and a few tears along the way!! And combined with my hubby we've lost close to 50 pounds together.

*The weights in this chart are a bit off. I weight in Monday mornings at home. This is generally a week day at the gym (aka clothed and full). But it is nice to see regardless of the specific number I am losing!!

I know though, that while I am happy with the weight loss - I am happier with the inches lost. The above graph is from my sessions with my amazing trainer at 24 hour. I'm not if you'll be able to see it (It looks tiny in my editor) so I'll give you the jist. My waist has gone from 38.75 -->33 which is 5.75 inches. My hips have gone from 47 --> to 41.5 which is down 5.5 inches. It is amazing, even to me.

I attribute my success to a few things (in no particular order - well except maybe the first one). My desire NOT to get diabetes, my husband, my theoretical future children, myself, learning what carbs really are, not wanting to weight 200++ pounds anymore, hating buying 1X clothes. There really are so many more, so many more that are deeper but I think this is enough of a pitty party for today!

Here's to hoping the next 4 months are as successful as the last :)

Fingers crossed.

on believing in yourself...

I can't believe it has been almost a month since my last post. It seems like nothing and everything has changed...

Here's a bit of what I've been up too...

Today I saw this when I stepped on the scale...I actually stepped on twice because I didn't believe it...

This means just over 10% weight loss since January 2nd. It is an amazing and scary feeling. I started this journey on 1/2/12 at 213 pounds. The heaviest I'd gotten was 220. So really - it is almost 30 pounds since Oct/Nov but I'm going off the 213 from January because that's when I started WW...though I am most certainly still keeping the 220 number in my head - hoping to never get there again - unless I'm pregnant with twins ;-)

The most recent hangup for me has been a thought process I think I've just begun to come to terms with this week. I don't want to go back. Going back, to me, means getting diabetes. Sure, I still am at risk, but I'm really hoping all these changes I've been making will help me NOT get to diabetes. And if I get it, I get it, but I am doing almost everything in my power not too.

I must have really stopped believing in myself last summer/fall. Turns out, I gave away ALL of my old size 14/16 pants and shirts...and even my size 12 favorite-of-all-time goal pants. I KNOW that I didn't think I could do it and the last few days since I realized they were gone - it's been hard to not get down on myself. I did get down on myself. Like, I woke up in the middle of the nights thinking about the clothes. They were just clothes but they were more to me. They were those old pictures, the weight I was then, the memories, everything. It's tough to let go of the fact that I won't be in them again - especially when I hadn't even remembered giving them away... That's how much I wasn't paying attention to me. And my hubby made a great point - now I get to find new favorite pants and I'm excited for that - but it just isn't the same. But I need to get these thoughts out of my head!! I just remembered but last weekend I went to Coldwater Creek and returned a pair of size 18 pants I'd just bought a few months back because they were WAY too big {Don't worry - I am saving one pair of size 18's for future photo purposes}. They didn't have a 16 but damn if I didn't get those 14s to zip. Now, I can't sit down in them but I bet in a month I'll be able too.

I WILL continue to look at the positives. I WILL start to love myself more than I ever have. I WILL BELIEVE!!!

Fingers crossed.

PS. Is it totally weird to be excited for measurement with my personal trainer today?!?! Because I AM!!!