{30 thoughts} the brain game {clothes version}...

There are a lot of aspects of losing this much weight that are a major brain game! The one that gets me every.single.day is looking in my mirror and looking at my clothes.

When I was obese everything was tight. The only way around weight clothes that weren't tight would have been to wear a MuuMuu and those aren't too fashionable when you're in your 20's...or really...ever! My brain got so used to seeing tight clothes on my body that now that is all it knows!

 

Everything is tight when you're obese.

 

 

Now that I am not obese, and am technically considered in the "normal BMI range", my brain still wants to see my body in tight clothes. But I don't want to show too much off but I do want show off what I have worked for. I don't want to have my clothes make me look bigger but I don't want my stomach to be punching out of my shirt. I want to be fashionable and comfortable.

my official barre3 photo ;-)

 

as Sadie said "Look at that waist"!

after my live TV debut. No Spanx under these Spandex pants ;-)

 

It's a delicate balance. It's a mind game.

Fingers crossed {I'm doing this all right}.

the conundrum of clothes...

I know...another post about clothes.

But right now they are what is on my mind.

In the past 16 months I've gone from a size 18W to a size 8-10-12. So not only do I look different but different clothes fit. Old styles that used to fit my obese body curves no longer fit. I could walk into Lane Bryant and know I was a 2 Red Square. Now, I can't even go in there and find anything. Not even undies. That's right...my undies don't fit. I need a new brand but I've worn LB undies for oh, 8 years and I LOVE them but they just.don't.fit anymore!

Many of my 1X and 18/16 size clothes I have donated or sold to consignment shops. But now I have to decide what to do with the 14/12 clothes. Do I keep them? I don't WANT to go back to that size but life happens. And if life negatively happens and I have to wear those sizes again I sure as hell don't want to be buying bigger sizes again.

BUT...It is my sincere hope that life doesn't happen {or if it does I can handle it}. So....do I alter my clothes that I have now that are too big but I only wore for a few months? Last fall I bought some nice 3/4 sleeve shirts for work. I only wore them for a month or so until it just got too cold and I had to wear long sleeves. Now they are way too big but I want to wear them. I've thought about getting them altered {taken in} so that I can wear them through this summer. But once I alter them, I cannot go back.

Another part of this is how I look in clothes...but maybe I'll save that for another post ;-)

Alterations are certainly a cheaper alternative to buying a whole new top wardrobe. I have a wonderful lady who altered some of my 1X/XL shirts into Large's last summer and now I want them smaller! Is this normal?? I even had my swim suit altered!!!

Then there's the thing of swim suits. We bought tickets last night to go to Arizona for a few nights over spring break!! Then I realized I needed to go swimsuit shopping. I know my chest is still rather large and needs supports so "regular" swimsuits won't work. The most supportive suits are plus sized suits {they have the padding and shelf bra}. I guess I just need to BUCK UP and do it this weekend...but I am dredding it. I found the BEST suit last year on LB and I should have just bought 5!!! Then I could alter them to all different sizes. I swear if I find "the suit" this summer that's what I'm going to do!!!

Clothes really are tricky! I don't want all these nice, new clothes I bought last year to sit in my closet for a few years until I decide to get rid of them. I want to wear them...that's why I bought them. For the most part I think I am going to alter many of my tops but buy some new bottoms.

Fingers crossed {that swimsuit and undie shopping goes good this weekend}...

going crazy over clothes...

I've never been one of those people who has enjoyed shopping. If I go to the mall I want to have a purpose, a list, and a time frame. I suspect part of the reason I haven't liked shopping is because for ever {and still a bit today} have hated putting on clothes. Over the years I have found various articles of clothing that have been my "go to" items/stores...but that is all starting to change and I don't know what to do.

Well, today I had a good cry over it. That's right. It's overwhelming. This whole process is overwhelming. It's exciting but it's WAY more overwhelming than exciting. It's also expensive. Really, really expensive. Especially since before the weight loss there were so few places I could fit in while still looking nice.

I know I will be able to find a lot more variety of clothes now but the one of the things that made me have my little breakdown today... bras. UG. Without going into too much detail I hate under wire and have, for the past decade, worn a no-wire bra from Lane Bryant. It is perfect. But...is doesn't fit anymore. And it feels debilitating. Shopping for jeans and shirts is getting easier but this - this is something I didn't see coming.

I was also overwhelmed because my favorite store {where I spend a TON of money} wasn't very awesome with their return policy today. And it really hurt my feelings and changed what I had expected to happen today {which always throws me off}. The jeans I was going to exchange they wouldn't take back because it had been 4 months. Well, I tell you, that same store has taken things back that are 9+ months old! I was so mad I just left all the clothes I was going to get on the counter and walked away before I said or did anything I'd regret. I'm going to go back next weekend and make sure not to get the same lady as today. I'd really like to exchange the jeans but on the drive home I realized it was silly to want to return a few of the other items I'd bought 6 - 9+ months ago. It would be nice to have that money to spend but I suppose it isn't worth the hassle. I will try to consign them and get some money out of it.

And the brighter side of doing that is that is that someone else will get the chance to wear clothes that no longer fit me but are still nice. And I'll get a little money out of the deal. That's brighter than if it just got shipped back to the company and destroyed.

Fingers crossed {that I can find a new type of bra to wear. And hopefully find it without tears}.

my favortie coat {is mine again}...

For me, clothes have been a constant - life long battle. There are few pieces of clothes I've ever loved. There are many more than I have hated. There's some I bought and never wore. In between have been the ones I've been wearing for years. Simple, hiding, solid colored clothes.

But this post is about one coat in particular and our journey together.

Our {the coat and I's} journey started in college - maybe 2003/2004. Definitely by the fall of 2004 we were a pair because there is this awesome proof...

Burton Women's Size M.

Apple Cup 2004. Cheeseburger apparently mandatory.

 

For years it was the only coat I ever had. And then I started gaining weight and I started needing new coats...

 

Precision Mountainware Men's Size M.

North Face Women's Size L.

 

The Black North Face had become my coat but my beloved Burton always sat in the back of my closet. Until one day...

 

I gave my Burton coat to one of my best friends.

 

Sabrina in the Burton coat. My in my NF coat.

 

I didn't believe that I'd ever wear it again but I remember saying as I handed it over "If I ever get back down to that size - I might have to ask for it back". I'm sure inside I rolled my eyes, and she did too. She's a size tiny and I was a size not tiny. I wanted to have to ask for my coat back but I didn't think I would have too...

 

But then, this new life of mine started. The inches melted off, the weight went down and my desire to have my beloved coat back grew big enough that I worked up the courage to ask for my coat back. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I wrote this sappy email about how much this coat meant to me. I stated that it was something from my past that I never thought I would accomplish in my future. It brings back memories for me that are wonderful. This coat truly is my favorite coat and thanks to the kindess of one of my best friends - it is mine again.

 

It may be a little tight in the chest and I probably couldn't fit a sweatshirt under it like I used to be able too but I can wear it.

 

Fingers crossed {that one day it might be a bit too big}...