{30 thoughts} the brain game {clothes version}...

There are a lot of aspects of losing this much weight that are a major brain game! The one that gets me every.single.day is looking in my mirror and looking at my clothes.

When I was obese everything was tight. The only way around weight clothes that weren't tight would have been to wear a MuuMuu and those aren't too fashionable when you're in your 20's...or really...ever! My brain got so used to seeing tight clothes on my body that now that is all it knows!

 

Everything is tight when you're obese.

 

 

Now that I am not obese, and am technically considered in the "normal BMI range", my brain still wants to see my body in tight clothes. But I don't want to show too much off but I do want show off what I have worked for. I don't want to have my clothes make me look bigger but I don't want my stomach to be punching out of my shirt. I want to be fashionable and comfortable.

my official barre3 photo ;-)

 

as Sadie said "Look at that waist"!

after my live TV debut. No Spanx under these Spandex pants ;-)

 

It's a delicate balance. It's a mind game.

Fingers crossed {I'm doing this all right}.

minus 65...

...pounds that is!

I can't believe I forgot to blog about this. Well, I kind of can because I slacked for much of the month of March!

Some interesting thoughts came out of losing this 65 pounds. When I first started my journey I did not believe that I could do this but I knew I had to try. And try I have. And lose I have. There's been a few things lately {namely when thinking about whole foods and no-dairy} where I've said out loud to others and to myself - "I can't do that". Well, I instantaneously switched my words up after I said the word can't...because I can. I can try to do anything!!

 

 



I kind of can't believe this was me one year ago {and then me last week}...

left: April 2012 ~ Kauai

right: April 2013 ~ Phoenix

 

But at the same time I can believe it is me! It's weird. Before I lost all this weight I sometimes would picture myself how I look now. And sometimes now, I picture myself as I used to me. Weight loss is a long, twisted, and mind-bending journey. I'm a size 8 in almost everything now. My top is a size Medium. That in and of itself is mind-bending. When I started this journey I was almost reading to buy a size 20W and size 1X shirts where too tight. It's weird to not shop at the stores I used to. It's weird to be able to walk in lululemon or Nordstroms or even Khols and find things that fit. It's going to take some more time to get used to that!

 

I buy myself rewards at the major weight loss milestones. In the past I haven't considered a -5 from a 10's weight loss {like -65} to be worthy of a reward but then I saw something I really wanted and wanted an excuse to buy it. Plus, when I hit the -60 pound mark I figured I'd plateau, but I didn't. I have kept on losing and couldn't be happier or more proud of myself! My very fashionable best friend told me this top was a good choice. She write a fashion blog...she should know! And just after I purchased this top {with the snazzy zipper in the back} she wore one on her blog ;-) See, now I'm starting fashion trends! Oh, and just to tip this adorable shirt over the edge - it's a size small. Yes, small.

 

reward top from LOFT

wearing my top in sunny Phoenix with my cousin!

 

All in all, losing 65 pounds has been amazing experience. How could it not be?? Can't wait to see where I go from here! I don't "think" I will lose a bunch more weight but I do believe I will become more and more toned. I told my best friend yesterday "Maybe next year I'll wear a 2 piece suit in public". And you know...I hope I will!!

Fingers crossed {that I'll be bikini ready next summer. Heehee}...

tears in the dressing room...

I went back to school clothes shopping with one of my best friends today. We have an odd shopping relationship which we always talk about as we shop. I don't really fret about prices - if it fits and I like it, I buy it ~ simple as that. She is a bit more frugal with her money. The funniest part is when we shop we have to head to different areas of the store - I used to head to the Plus Size department while she will head to petites or juniors... You don't get two people who are completely different body types and sizes that often - I was a size 18W at my heaviest and she is a 0 ~ or 00 if we are at The Loft ;).

Today though, was a good shopping day for me. As I posted in my GOALS back in July one of my goals was to wear a size 12. It was kind of just a number I'd thrown out there. Just about that time I had bought some size 14 pants that were pretty tight so I figured that it would take me a while to be a size 12...but I got there today!!! I know it was just in one brand of jeans but I WILL TAKE IT!!!

 

These are the same brand and style of pants {Coldwater Creek Natural Cut Trouser Jeans}. The pictures were taken on the same day, so they aren't a real before/after pics. The jeans on the left are my jeans I wore at my heaviest and I guarantee I filled in every inch of them {plus some}. The ones on the right are a size 12. I LITERALLY had tears in my eyes and if I'd been by myself I probably would have cried.

 

I think it is even more amazing because it is the same pants. I can't even express in words what it really means to me. It means the work is paying off, the stress and anxiety is worth it, the tears and trials and lettuce. Worth it. I feel better, I look better, I work harder, and I want to continue on this journey.

 

Fingers crossed.

 

PS. I am super excited to wear my size 12's out in public ;-)