{30 thoughts} it's not all sunshine & rainbows!

I have been inspired by two of my favorite bloggers, Chelsea & Cardigans and Couture, who have been "keeping it real" in some of their recent blog posts!! I tend to post the happy milestones, the "good for me" pictures of food, and positive words of encouragement. But, as we all know, life isn't all sunshine and rainbows {though I wish it was}!!!

Here's some {funny} things I've done over these past 23 months. I use the term funny, loosely in most of these instances.

- Sometimes I think that if no one sees me eat something, it doesn't count.

- I drive around the block 2 times when I feel the urge for fast food. Usually by the time that is done, I don't have that craving anymore.

- I eat brown sugar out of the storage container. Not every day but usually every week.

- I eat cheese when I know I shouldn't. Sometimes getting a zit is worth the taste.

- I learned what buckwheat, quinoa, stevia, and so many more food items are.

- Skittles. Enough said.

- I have been known to eat crutons when there aren't craackers in the house. I just need that crunch. Though I'm pretty sure crutons aren't healthy for you but it goes on salad so...yeah...

- Occasionally (well, often if I was telling the truth) I grab my stomach and jiggle/wiggle it around.

- There are 4 "health" books that are sitting on my shelf with book marks about 1/4 of the way through them. 50 Shades of Grey is more entertaining!!

- The first time I took a picture of the scale I didn't realize it was glass (and that I take my pictures directly after getting out of the shower). Think reflection. I almost posted it but noticed it just in the nick of time!

- Since shoulder surgery I have been sleeping in a nightshirt. Yes, the button up the front kind. I needed to sleep in one so the sling didn't rub my skin raw. I am now addicted to mine - much to my husband's dismay.

- I now check my butt out in any reflective surface.

- When food in the Ziploc containers gets moldy, I throw them away. 

- I still eat pizza & doughnuts. And that's okay, sometimes.

- Every few months I think I'll be able to handle having "snack food" in the house. This usually means crunchy snacks {not chips, more like NutThins}. I cannot have these in the house. I will eat the whole box - in one day. No joke.

- I day dream about the food I used to eat.

- I like looking in the mirror and making my collar bones show. I'm plotting what shirt I can wear on Friday for school pictures that will enable my collar bones to show.

Fingers crossed {that there are more sunshine & rainbow moments than not}...

23 months later...

Today marks the 23 month mark since my tipping point. 1 month to go until I hit the 2 year mark...check back to the blog frequently...there's going to be a LOT going on this month!!!

I've mentioned it and told the story but I have never, ever {not even on Facebook} shared these pictures! I had to DIG them off of my PC which gets used about 5 times a year.

This is what I made for the party. Butter ridden witches fingers cookies with Oreo cookies crushed at the bottom!

 

Jason and I. I remember the reason I went as a devil was because I could wear regular clothes and just add a few things to do and it would be a costume. I didn't fit into regular costumes, I wouldn't have been comfortable in them! I wore a size 1X black button up shirt with a size 1X red tank top paired with size 18W jeans. I still have this outfit, or at least the pants!

 

 

Sabrina and I.

 

This next picture shocks me!! It's the girth of my body. From the front I got used to how hold or pose my body. The side view is very, very, very unforgiving.

{click on this picture to enlarge it. it will shock you. it made me cry.}

 

Picture this. I'm at a Halloween party with my coworkers. Two of them are talking about how, when they were pregnant, they got around or over 200 pounds. And it wasn't like they were just stating that as a number, there were comments (unknowing of my weight) about how they couldn't imagine being that weight without being pregnant. Now imagine my thoughts as I'm standing there, not pregnant, at what I knew was likely over 200 pounds. It wasn't a good conversation going on in my head. I actually stopped drinking because I knew if I didn't I'd say something I'd regret. I was standing there, amongst my friends, totally self-loathing myself. UG. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. Looking back, that moment, was one of my lowest moments and I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I needed to change. I went home that night, got the scale out from the box under the bed {where it had been in hiding} and stepped on. I wish I'd taken a picture but I know without a shadow of a doubt it said 220 pounds. They know they are part of my journey. They didn't know for a while but at the one year mark I wrote them thank you notes because I am thankful.

 

Danielle and I

 

She's one of the two reasons I had this tipping point of mine. Afterwards she has been one of my biggest supporters. She convinced me I could do the Spartan Race (which I had to skip because of shoulder surgery), she brought me new foods to try & was always willing to be a workout buddy - even when my pace was much slower than hers! I am so appreciative of her friendship!

 

That day seems like so long ago but I remember every detail of it like it was yesterday. I think I would have eventually had tipping point. I mean, you'd think I'd have had to. We will never know. What I do know is that I am thankful for this day.

 

I am thankful for the courage, strength, knowledge, body acceptance, friends, opportunities, skills, body, inspirations, tears, chances, and life this night has given to me.

 

When I've told my story, especially to people that I know are likely struggling with weight themselves, I try to remember how I felt. I have told this story to many people and it is my sincere hope that I have not hurt any of their feelings...yet sparked something inside of them. I know weight isn't an easy thing to talk about and people have to be ready, most of the time. I've been told a few times that that is indeed the case, it's the other times I'm not as sure as!

 

Fingers crossed {that I can be some one's inspiration}!!!

QVC {the video}...

barre3 on QVC

 

Click on the link above to go to the video of barre3 {and me} on QVC.

 

Feel free to order the DVD if you haven't!!!

 

QVC version 2.0!!!

Well, it finally happened!!! Not only did was make it to Philadelphia...we made it on to QVC {unlike the last trip}!! Here's the story of QVC Version 2.0!!!

Just two days before we went we had to practice...This time around I was able to go so much more because I was 7 weeks out of the sling instead of 10 days!

um. hello butt!!

 

 

loving my waist in this picture!

 

I set my DVR...

 

 

 

On a lovely {rainy} morning Harper and I boarded our flight to Philly. While I was waiting at the gate I discovered a very fun non-scale victory...

 

I hadn't worn this backpack since last summer...

there's a little more room now-a-days!

 

Harper and my flight was uneventful and arrived on time!

 

travel buddies!!

 

practicing my ballerina arm at Chicago-Midway

 

We jumped into a cab and headed back to the trusty Radnor Hotel {we stayed there on version 1.0}! We talked the guy into getting us adjoining rooms which was the best idea ever. We headed for a walk and to find a grocery store to have snack at QVC because we weren't sure what the situation was going to be there! We had another salad for dinner {salad for lunch too} because  we are vain and wanted to look good on TV ;-)

 

It felt so awesome to check Facebook on Friday and see what some of my biggest supporters were saying...

 

 

Bright and early Saturday morning we got up and got full on ready AKA full make up and hair, all before 7am EST which is really like 4AM on the west coast!

 

We were picked up by Sadie, Chris, and Robin {Chris' Mom} and set off through some GORGEOUS country side to QVC!!

 

WE FINALLY MADE IT!!!

 

Harper, Myself, & Sadie

 

Chris, Susan {agent}, myself, Sadie, Harper

{Robin is FABULOUS at taking pictures}

 

walking down the many halls of QVC

 

officially official

 

Sadie signing in!!

Harper and I in front of the TVs that showed live QVC all over the world

 

ready to go!

Harper and I were super nervous and excited at this point!!

 

walking out to the stage!! nervous balls of energy at this point!!

 

it's happening!!

my testimonial.

 

truth is the highest I was was 220 lbs and that day we were on QVC I weighted about 142 lbs. So that's -78!! The picture on the right was from the second week of January...so almost 8 months ago! Wish we'd been able to update it all but legal didn't allow it!

 

horse pose

in practice I wasn't smiling and they were VERY worried I wouldn't smile on camera.

there's nothing to worry about...I love to smile!!!

seated core!

 

after!!!

 

Once we were done with our 8 minutes of fame we stayed around a bit to watch the numbers. There was a live computer in the back room that you could see second by second how many units were being bought! It was cool!

 

Harper and I got dropped back off at the hotel to get ready for dinner. The Lincoln's planned dinner out in Delaware because they knew that I wanted to go to all 50 states! It was such an amazing gesture!! Though before we headed to dinner Harper and I wanted lunch...

 

Popping our Smashburger cherries!

 

watching the airing on the iPad at the Radnor while drinking wine at like 3:30pm!

great times!

 

Delaware!! Thanks for the amazing memories Lincoln Family!!

 

Robin wanted to show us the birdhouses on the river walk.

We used it as a moment to bust out some barre3!!

 

Harper, Sadie & I

 

We headed back to the hotel pretty early because Harper and I had to get up at 3:30 am to get ready and head to the airport - which is really 12:30 AM where we live! It's crazy!! But then, the real crazy came...

 

 

A cab ride where the driver was likely on drugs, asked us if we both over 30 and wanted marriage advise, had a bat, gas can, and rope in the trunk, was going over 80mph the whole way there and I was seriously writing my last will & testament on Facebook and texting Jason that I loved him. But we made it to the airport and had two very uneventful flights back home.

 

This was one of the most magical, memorable, and awe inspiring trips. I love spending time with the people whom I went with! I couldn't have asked for a better travel partner in Harper, Sadie is truly magical to be around, Chris is one of the calmest men I've met. While I don't know if I'll ever have an experience like this again, I will forever have the memories.

 

All of this wouldn't have happened without my past, which I think is an important piece. If you've read this far and if you're maybe just starting a weight loss journey please know...anything is possible. 2 years ago I was a size 20W and weighted 220 pounds. I never in my wildest dream thought I'd be a back up exerciser on live TV. EVER.

 

Fingers crossed {that anything I haven't even yet dreamt of is possible}...

my summer {in pictures}...

This summer has been so similar and so different than others in the past. I was busy with appointments instead of spending time in the pool. I was healing instead of running around and going on vacations. I had time to think instead of planning the next day. I feel like I didn't get much done. Most of my pictures are of me in a sling, my husband took one day off (to go fishing with my Dad), and I only wore my swimsuit twice.

Here's a few of my favorite memories from this summer...

while being in a sling was not my favorite, but I was pretty good at it by the end!

 

annual picnic with my bestie Robyn.

top - 2011. bottom - 2013

 

being involved with a special project with barre3!!!

 

 

going on hikes with my hubby

 

trying Salmon for the first time

 

 

barre3 in the park

 

my favorite non-scale victory thus far...

my husband can get his hands around my thigh.

 

QVC version 2.0

 

I took some steps in regards to my future.

{more on this at another time}

 

So, the story of this summer - barre3 & recovery!!!

 

We are looking forward to a full fall of QVC version 2.0, going back to Pullman for a football game, and heading to Vegas for a long weekend to see Jason's Dad and Penny get married!!

 

Fingers crossed {it all goes according to plan}...