the 2 year mark!!!

Today marks 2 years since my tipping point. And you know how I celebrated...

Kait, Mom, Noel, Bree, Sara, Brooke, Jason

Erica, Me, Sabrina, Alison

{missing from the picture is Brian, Alison's husband}

 

BARRE3, of course!!!

 

I had invited my friends & family to join be at the barre for a class!! I was so happy with the turn out. A few of my village battled Portland rush hour traffic to be there with me. Erica taught a ROCKING class, it was so faced paced I didn't have time to cry. Except for at the end...the tears definitely came! Erica played "Girl on Fire" and dedicated it to me and then I looked around and saw my husband, Mom, and some of the very best friends a girl could ask for.

 

Flowers and cards from three of my biggest cheerleaders.

 

Carrie - owner of barre3 who accepted me for who I was and treats me like one of her own!

Amanda - my personal trainer who believed in me LONG before I believed in myself.

Kait & the barre3 Home Office - who continue to support & surprise me with their generosity.

Cards from Carrie & Amanda

The words on the outside are powerful. The words on the inside made my cry.

 

Afterwards Jason, Bree, Noel and I went to grab dinner since it was 7:30 and we were starving. We headed to the Mexican restaurant that shares a parking lot with barre3. It'd been a very long time since I'd been to a Mexican restaurant. Part of me really, REALLY wanted to get a cheese quesadilla but my friends reminded me I didn't need that. Instead I got a taco salad and it was very good!

 

Me, Noel & Bree

These two have stood by me and lifted me up through some of the roughest patches of my life.

 

Jason & I

I just love him SSSOOO much!!!

 

I have many feelings about this milestone and the future...

 

 

It is going to be interesting to see how this "maintenance" part of my change goes. I've been the same weight for about 12 weeks now so I really do consider myself in maintenance. Sure, I want to get tighter and more toned but I don't think my number on the scale is going to move easily anymore - and that's okay! I know I will never go back to where I was!! More on how I plan to tackle the maintenance part of my journey, later!

 

Fingers crossed {that maintenance is as easy as losing weight was}!!!

{30 thoughts} tomorrow

Tomorrow will be 2 years, or 731 days {yes, there was a leap year}, since I hit my tipping point.

I don't quite know how to put what I am feeling into words. So I'm going to choose one that truly sums up how I feel.

 I'M GRATEFUL FOR

{in no particular order}

 

Jason, Amanda, Mom, Dad, Sabrina, Sara, Carrie, Sadie, Kait, Danielle, the struggle, Angela {massage}, Diane {acupuncture}, Tony {chiro}, Brooke & Corinne {PT}, Robyn, books, Kim, barre3, Bree, Kathy, Cari, Robyn, FitBit, the scale, PCOS, the tape measure, Endo, PCOS doc, courage, strength, Dr Wei {shoulder}, this blog, other blogs, Instagram, Facebook, joy, Erica, Salina, Stacey, Eryn, Alison, Katie, Lynne, Wendy, Amanda, all my aunts - uncles - cousins - grandparents, cookbooks, my in-laws, weight watchers, Harper, all the barre3 home office team members, Chris L, coworkers, myself, my fear, New Seasons, my passion, my body, my mind, new opportunities {QVC, Just Jenny, b3 convention}, those who doubted me, those who encouraged me.

 

I'm sure I'll be editing and adding to this list for a day or more!

 

Fingers crossed {the next 2 years are as exciting as the last 2}!!!

{30 thoughts} I love my husband!

I guess it should go without saying that I love my husband...but I want to shout it from the rooftops! He truly is the best husband for me.

He is my biggest supporter, confidant, friend, and is one of the only people who can really get me to stop, listen & think {the other is my Mom...more on her later}!!!

What I am most proud of is how he has come along on this journey with me. He's lost 40 pounds himself!! He will get up at 4:30 AM (yes, in the morning) to go to the gym before work. I can't even get up at 5:30 AM to go to barre3 and I L.O.V.E. barre3. We were both very overweight, unhappy with ourselves, and our marriage was down {but most certainly not out}!

Jason is my complete opposite and my better half. For those of you who are lucky enough to know him, he is a man of few words. But when he does have something to say...you better listen. So, I did just that. Here's some questions I asked Jason while we were sitting around at home one evening.

Why do you like that I like barre3?
Because you are more happy than you've ever been since I've ever known you. When you have a bad day you go here and come out happy. And then you come home happy and I like that.

What changes or choices have you made that you are most proud of?
Just the overall choices of what I eat. Now when I go get lunch I rarely eat a burger and fries and instead I get a salad.

Our salads at Buffalo Wild Wings

What is one thing about me on this journey that has most surprised you that I've done?
Stick with it. Not that I thought you couldn't do it but you used to get so frustrated at everything and give up. You don't do that anymore.

Do you miss anything about our "old" lifestyle?
No. We're happier, healthier. No. What's there to miss. Do I miss fried food? No. I tried fried food a few weeks ago and it tasted terrible so now I don't miss it anymore.

Looking at the future - where do you think we are going?
Up. To the top of Mt St Helens next year - for a start.
{FOR A START...WHAT'S HE THINKING?!?!}

Anything else to add?
At first he said no then 5 minutes later he said...
We just keep inspiring people. People at my work talk to me about making good choices or going to the gym.

I definitely started crying during some of his answers. I just love how much happier we are and I love how much happier he is with me. Not just my body {but he isn't complaining about that, that I assure you} but me as a person.

I love my husband. Yes I do!

 

Fingers crossed {to a wonderful next 50+ years}...

{30 thoughts} change is hard...

...on relationships & my thought process {and more, but that's for another post}. This journey hasn't been all about weight loss. I'm truly changing every aspect of my life.

I have been mulling over how to write this post for a week. The best way...be honest. Here goes nothing {and a lot of self-reflection}.

My relationships (both family & friends) have been lop-sided in the past. I know I take a lot of energy to be with and I'm truly trying to change that. Trying to listen more and talk less {my Mom just laughed out loud}, trying to call "just because" instead of tell a certain story, to ask what others want to do instead of just suggesting what I want to do. Problem is, change is hard. I LOVE to plan, I LOVE attention, and I LOVE my family & my friends. There's the honest truth.

I had a very {very} good friend tell me the other day that she knows I am changing because she can see I am trying very hard not to talk about others behind their backs. My husband {whom I love with my whole heart} told me that he likes to be around me now more than he did in the past because I am the happiest I've been since we've been together. I'm scared to know what my Mom would say but I bet it would be good {she is my most honest critic}. The fact that my friends & family can tell me these things means the world to me. Last year I would not have reacted with a "thank you" - I would have been pissed.

My thought process is changing. Here's a weird example: someone speeds up and cuts me off. My old reaction {and my husband's current reaction} is to get pissed, honk, flip the bird, speed up, and/or etc. For the most part I now try to think something along the lines of "I hope they aren't in a hurry to get to a bad situation" or "I'm going to back off so I don't get into a wreck with them if they lose control". You know what else is changing...what I want to spend my time doing. I used to go out to HH {happy hour, for those of you not in the know} multiple times a week. Now I want to go to barre3 or on a walk most days. Sure, I wouldn't mind a HH after barre3 once in a while but lots of my friends want to go right after work which is prime barre3 time! I've found through trial & error that working out after HH isn't always the best idea. I want to spend my time with people who enrich my life and who like to be active. Don't get me wrong...I'm all for a good HH sometimes {like tonight with my new staff} but multiple times every week. It just isn't me anymore.

Fingers crossed {that these changes continue to be positive}...

100 and my first giveaway!

No...I have not lost 100 pounds (but i have lost 75 but that's another post). There are other exciting things that have to do with the number 100 that we need to talk about!!

This little post right here, this is my 100th post on this blog! What started out documenting my PCOS journey to inform my family and friends so I didn't have to repeat the story over and over again has morphed into a blog about how I have changed my life!

Just before my shoulder surgery I hit another 100 milestone...my 100th barre3 class!!! It just so happened to coincide with two of my good friends from high school trip down to Vancouver! My best friend Bree and my mom ended up surprising me and coming to the class also. It was a very wonderful morning.

L to R: Kalli, Melanie, mom, Bree, me! I just realized that these ladies composed 50% of my bridesmaids!

Bree and her niece Maya made me this awesome banner! It says "100 BARRE 3's CONGRATS ANNIE". I was very overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness. It is always fun to introduce new people to Barre3. Kalli and Melanie were friends number 34 & 35 of people who I have brought to a barre3 class! Someday soon I'll get to 40 (in only two more people, as of today, for the record).

This is me in front of the 'flagship' Barre3 in the Pearl District in Portland, Oregon. Those nifty purple pants I'm rocking are my 70 pound weight loss reward!! One of my good friends Kim gave me a gift certificate to Athleta for my birthday and told me to wait until I hit a big milestone to spend it. I'm pretty much in love with my purple pants.

As you may have guessed I'm also very much in love with Barre3 and since it is my 100th post I wanted to do a little Barre3 giveaway*!!

Annie's barre3 giveaway*...
- One month online workout subscription
- One barre workout ball (I will mail it to you)
- The possibility of becoming addicted to barre3 :-)

Rules...
- Anyone can enter. If you are from outside the US and it's too spendy to ship the barre ball to, you'll have to get your own! They're $9 on amazon.
- If you live in the Portland area and would rather have a gift certificate for one studio class (instead of the one month online subscription) we can arrange that!
- The giveaway will be closed at the end of the day on Sunday, June 30th, 2013. The drawing will be random!
- How to win - leave a comment in this post telling me your name and favorite body part of yours! I'm hoping this is enough info for me to get in touch with you if you win!!

*barre3 is not sponsoring this giveaway. I love this program so much I am paying for someone else to reap the benefits!

Fingers crossed {that the winner falls in love with Barre3}...

One foot in front of the other...

... All the way to the top!





There's been many times in my life where I've started a diet or a lifestyle change and not followed through. This time though I knew I had to! It really was about seeing those numbers, seeing the pictures and how I was feeling. 20 months ago I couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs without having to stop at the top and catch my breath. When I would try to run a mile I would have to stop for five times because I couldn't do it.

Last month I went on one of the most challenging hikes I've ever been on, with my best friend. We hiked Silverstar Mountain in Washington State. Funny part of the story, neither of us had really ever planned a day hike before. We'd always gone with our families who did the planning. We set up on our adventure to do what we thought was a 4 mile round-trip hike. Turns out that wasn't the parking lot that we ended up in... After hiking about 2 miles, which should've been the halfway/turn around point, we realize we had quite a while to go! My first thought was that there was no way I could do it. That's what I was used to thinking about myself.





At that 2 mile mark was also about when we hit the snow, which we were most definitely not expecting! After looking through the guidebook we realized the end of our hike was still over 2 miles away... you can see the trail we ended up following on the far hill to the left of that big pine tree. It was about this time that a big church group had caught up to us. There was about 20 of them and they were all around our age. We actually ended up pretty much joining their group which was a nice distraction.





All said, we hiked over 5 miles in the snow! It was during the snow walking that I really had to do a lot of self talk. My brain really wanted to give up for some reason but I knew my body was really able to handle it. I didn't want to give up because my best friend was with me and I didn't want to disappoint her, I didn't want to give up because I knew I would be proud when I made it to the top and back down. I wanted to see the view! I kept telling myself that my body was Barre3 strong. I have never been so proud of myself as to when I stepped on the summit of that mountain.





At the summit of Silverstar Mountain!




Bree and I With a few gorgeous mountains in the background!
Left to right: Mount Saint Helens, Mt. Rainier, Mt. Adams.












Thinking about a multitude of things. I remember thinking how astonishingly gorgeous it was and that if I had never lost this weight I probably would've never been at the top. When we were at the top of that Summit you could see five mountains of the Cascade Range. There was barely a cloud in the sky, it was a perfect day, and I proved to myself that I could do this. I quietly, and without anyone noticing, shed a couple of tears. I was just overwhelmed with the beauty, myself, and my friends determination and support to get me to the top of that mountain. Bree stopped with me every time I needed to stop, I knew that she truly was not judging me, and even over longlegs probably could've gone twice as fast she always let me keep the pace. I feel so fortunate to have a friend like her, not only because of this hike but in so many aspects of life she's been such a great support over the last 19 1/2 years. I hope that everyone who's going through any kind of struggle has a Bree in their life. Bree's been through a lot recently and I hope that I've been as much of a support to her as she has been to me!




Of course, once you go up you must go back down. The way down was almost more tough than the way up because we knew how far we had to go and it's really hard to walk downhill in the snow! There wasn't as much talking on the way down as on the way up and I don't really know why that is but I was okay with it. About halfway down my knees really started to hurt. Bree stuck at my slow, slow pace, even teaching me how to zigzag back and forth across the trail instead of just going straight down.

We were about 100 yards from the parking lot, Bree had literally just said "I can see the car" and I twisted my ankle! Unfortunately it wasn't on the same leg as my hurt me so I really just hobbled the rest of the way down. When I got home this is what happened...




You know what I love most about this picture, the smile on my face. I had just walked almost 10 miles, through snow and in pain. But I had done it.





Finger crossed {that once my shoulder heals we'll be back out hiking}...

happy {barre3} 30th birthday to me!

My birthday is officially my favorite holiday. Who doesn't like a day all about you?!?! And, according to HolidayInsights.com, March 16th is "Everything you do is right day". Um...can you say coincidence!!!

This year I truly wanted to spend time with people who truly love me and will be in my life for a long, long time to come! I also wanted to say thank you to all the people who helped me get where I am today. This last year, year and a half, has been a battle and a blessing.

I decided to spend the day with the people I love the most, at the place I love the most, barre3.

before.

 

Standing: Jason {husband}, Diane {acupuncturist}, Angela {massage therapist}, Megan {college roommate/friend}, Danielle {coworker and 1/2 of the "tipping point"}, Sam {Sabrina's BF}, Chris {BIL}, Kathy {family friend}, Allison {My Mom}, Mike {FIL}, Bree {Best Friend - 19.5 years}, Matt {BIL}, Brooke {Physical Therapist}.

 

Kneeling: ME, Robyn {Best friend - 18 years}, Kim {college friend}, Sabrina {Best Friend}, Penny {Step-MIL}, Katie {coworker/friend}, Salina {barre3 instructor}

 

There were a few more people invited but couldn't attend that are certainly missing from the picture of my support group!! Oh, incase you've noticed, they are wearing name tags. I wanted Salina to be able to know who they all were. Also, I think it helped some of them know each other. Many of them had met each other only once or so.

As a surprise to the group I decided to lead the instruction. I was SSSOOO nervous but as Salina reminded me, everyone who was there loved me and supported me! My favorite part was her advise just before we started - "Don't look at anyone in the eyes, especially the boys. They will mess up your rhythm". It was so true!!

Leading the warm-up!! I'm in the orange.

Step Taps.

Almost perfect synchronization.

Planking!!

 

Carousel Horse.

Look at the view! I wanted to face them all at some point. I definitely shed a tear. I have an amazing group of people in my life.

Making our booties look good.

The Mom-A-Ratzi getting Jason and I during core work.

I love this place and I love these people.

Teaching my hubby the in's and out's of b3.

Salina, our instructor. She is simply amazing!!!

My father-in-law. He cracked me up. Such a good support to do this for me!

My Mom!! She's been one of my biggest supporters.

 

After. No one is passed out laying down so I consider that a success!

 

I cannot say it enough, I love my family and friends. They have molded and shaped my life in so many ways over time. Barre3 has also changed my life. It couldn't have been a better day, combining the people I love with the place I loved. I get the chills just thinking about it.

 

The best part...my husband could barely walk for 3 days after because he was so sore. I definitely did not evilly laugh at him whenever he got up from the recliner. I swear.

 

Fingers crossed {that we do this again next year}!!!

a little break down...

I am overwhelmed.

I hate insulin resistance. I want it to go away. I don't want it to be here. Everything I've ever loved is now what I need to avoid. For a few weeks now I've been doing this "Well I'll just eat less of them" but in reality I need to be eating none. Like, none.

Bad carbs are everything white and processed. Basically 80% or more of my pantry. I was at the grocery store today and I realized I used to eat rice-a-roni and baked potatoes multiple times a week, sometimes on the same day! Man, I just didn't realize I was starting to kill myself.

I think this quote is perfect for this post because I do not think I can be strong when it comes to eliminating these foods from my diet. I mean - how in the hell is that going to work eating out, at my 3 day country music festival in the middle of a dirt field, when I go to people's houses for dinner, on an air plane?!?!?! {Insert worry wart here}
I know the logical explanation - I will get used to it and I will make it happen but this is going to be really hard.

**I wrote the above words 2 days ago and I haven't really changed my feelings. After a few small break downs I'm still not sure where to go. I have to change, that I know. But it is hard to think about "quitting" all the things I love. Jason and many of my family & friends say it is all about moderation but some of it has to be about what I eat.

I am meeting with a nutritionist tomorrow. While she is not a dietitians I'm hoping she can help me understand what insulin resistance is. I am also meeting up for dinner with an old friend, my old tennis doubles partner to be exact, who had Type 1 diabetes and has for her whole life. I'm hoping that reconnecting with her {which we actually did before all of this} that she will be a help and a part of my team.

I do have a very good team though. Supportive husband, amazing parents, wonderful friends and some pretty awesome co-workers.

Hopefully this is one of my last pity parties for a while...

Fingers crossed.

of family and friends...

I vary between worrying, crying, thinking about the worst possibly outcome and being thankful from moment to moment. I worry because it is so unknown and complicated. I cry because of well, the same reasons. I worry about the worst possible outcome because of well, you get the picture. Though I am thankful for different reasons - I am thankful to know something is wrong {weird to say that in one thought...}, I am thankful for good doctors who are making things happen, I am thankful that I'll be starting some drugs this week that will hopefully make me feel better and I am THANKFUL for my friends and family!!!

I am the kind of person who needs people to know. I want people to know. I want to tell them, teach them, and have as many people with me on this journey that want to come along. I think the more I talk about it the less daunting, scary, and secretive it seems. I know that if I held it in, it would be bad. If I hold anything in - it eats me alive.

At school today I got a compliment from a coworker about sharing my story and that she'd be keeping up and thinking about me - and that made me smile - even as I was on the floor, grimacing with back pain.

My family is pretty much in the group that is already along for the ride, no matter what. My husband has been SO amazing. Like, he's surprising me all the time. He's helping more, he's asking more, he's being great. My parents are amazing. My Mom is reading the same books I am reading and while my Dad and I don't really talk about the details {because that is AWKWARD} I know he's there for me. My extended family, they've all been SO supportive once I told them. They've shared their own stories and trials and offered to be there, anytime, and I truly believe that they will be.

My friends are also pretty awesome. They've done research, asked questions, listened, and let me know they're there. Everyone of them, be it my best friends or my coworkers, have taken the time to understand and not just blow it off. Their support has helped me to feel like this is do-able. It is nice to have such a variety of people supporting me.

**As I was typing this one of my longest friends sent me an email about healthy information and levels of types of foods you should eat. Made me tear up...seriously. Love it.

Fingers crossed.

bracelet's of love...

...from my Mom and my best friend, Lee.

On the 20th of January, the day I went to the Endocrinologist, I started wearing a bracelet and I haven't stopped since.

In the above collage the top heart necklace is from my best friend, Leena. For my bridal shower she actually gave me heart earrings from Tiffany's but they didn't fit because the hearts were so big they covered up my second earring hole. I ended up trading them in {with Lee's blessing} for a bracelet. I actually wore the bracelet in my wedding!

The middle bracelet is one my Mom bought for me when she was in Spain last summer. It is ticker than the other two and goes nicely with tee shirts.

The bottom bracelet is from my Mom. I know she gave it to be at Christmas sometime. I even remember the little bag it came in. It's on this stretchy, clear band that actually needs to be replaced because I am very worried it is going to break.

I actually have a few other things I want to make into bracelets. One is a charm my Mom gave me from high school graduation with the word imagine inscribed on it. The other is a heart that was the first piece of jewelry Jason gave me. It isn't diamonds, but it is special. I've kept it and it would be nice to figure out how to incorporate it into a bracelet.

There's been a few other times that I've worn any one of these as a little reminder of who gave it to me and to help get me through rough times.

I also have my eye on this beauty...I mean if your best friend gets you something from Tiffany's - shouldn't your husband too?!?! I'll update you when I get one.

Fingers crossed.

Just sayin'...

...I have the BEST family & friends!

To me, this picture means...

There are many paths to take you where you want to go but they all result in you jumping into the ocean. The one main path was before January 20th. Right now I'm 4 steps from the first Y. And even if I choose to go to the right, it doesn't mean I can't double back and go to the left someday.

As the title of this blog post says, I have amazing friends and family. They are my support. And I am in love with all of them. I have had so many of friends and family listen to me blabber on and on about what I'm going through. They've offered to help, they've researched on their own, they've asked questions and they've said I LOVE YOU.

This blog has been very nice because I emailed to link to many of my supports when I first started a week or so ago. ALL of them had read it before they talked to me and for that I am grateful. Not one of them has said anything "stupid". So far, there's only been one person - who isn't a family or friend - who's said something that didn't jive with me. Some have offered advise, some have given suggestions on various topics {healthy food, their past experiences}, and all have given me power. The power to know that sharing my story is the right way, for me, to go.

I feel like I will never be able to repay all of their support but I hope that one day, if any of them should ever need an ear or a should or a hug, that I'll be able to give them that.

So, to all my family and friends, I LOVE YOU. More than you all know. Thank you, for being there for me as we start this journey.

PS. Feel free to leave comments - even if it is just to say "hello" or "I'm thinking of you...". Comments are like little love notes and would certainly put a smile on my face :-)

Fingers crossed.

first book, first sense of relief...

I've been nose deep in this book for almost a week. I had borrowed it from my friend K and once I got the diagnosis I ordered myself a copy so I can obsessively take notes and write in it. I'm about 1/3 of the way through it and I feel like my life is written in the pages. It is so hard for me to explain.

Everything I've ever thought about myself - overweight, acne, oily, no MC to speak of - I made excuses for. I'm overweight because I eat too much, the stuff I eat makes me have acne, I'm oily simply because that is how I am. I know now that it is because I have PCOS. Knowing gives me relief and strength and knowledge.

It is helping me to really understand that I am my best advocate, that I am not "normal" but there are things I can learn and change to make my body work better for me. And most surprisingly, I have learned that I have WONDERFUL people in my life!!

My Mom has already stated she wants to read the same books I do, my Aunt (the mother of my cousin who has PCOS) spent an hour talking to me on the phone and asking great questions, one of my best friends spent some time researching low-carb diets and recommended another book that I will soon be reading. She's read it (she does not have PCOS but is very into healthy food and living). I've had many of my coworkers offer support and encouragement and shown a desire to learn more right along side with me. Many of my other friends have offered a listening ear. It means the world to me.

I am determined to learn to live with PCOS and battle whatever hurdles for having a family that they may bring. I feel better the more people I have working with me, thinking about me, and of course, keeping their...

Fingers crossed.

PS. Tomorrow I have the 2 hour Glucose test. Wish me luck!!!