hey mr. postman...

....hurry and bring me my books!!!

I can't wait for them to get here on Wednesday so I can start reading :-)

So I'm a horribly slightly obsessive. There, I said it, kind of. Okay, I am totally obsessive. If I think of something I usually figure out a way to find out about it or have it ASAP. This PCOS is no exception. I think that's part of my fear. I also tend to give up on myself fairly quickly, which adds another layer to the fear.

In thinking about the insulin resistance part of all of this I'm nervous because I already don't like to cook but I'm thinking I need to change my mind set on that. All of the books that I purchased above are in whole or in part related to an {IR} insulin resistant diet. I'm timidly excited about learning about new foods that are good for me, which foods I like that I can continue to eat, and which foods I need to slowly take out of my weekly diet. I think the hardest thing is going to be when we go out or go elsewhere...Thankfully in one of those books there is a chapter on eating out!!

In thinking about the PCOS part of my life it makes me so super nervous. Sure, I've started taking the Metformin but that is the help with the IR. I'm not ready for the other {ie. infertility} drugs. In fact, I am thinking that I really might go back on BC through the summer to get the IR back in control. I know going back on BC seems counter productive to having a baby but I think I need to focus on myself, my health, and my body for now. For some reason over this last week I've felt very strongly about it. Maybe it is the losing 10 pounds and thinking about how much more I want to lose. In relation to that if I did get pregnant now I don't even want to think about what I'd weight. UG. Talk about depressing.

It's kind of funny to think that, what I've wanting and been trying for 1.5 years is now something I don't want at this time in my life. Well, I want it but I want to be centered first. I NEED to be centered first. At least I think I do. I don't know and chances are it'll take a few paths to get there ~ where ever there may be.

Fingers crossed {that happiness lies ahead}.

just a little light reading...

...of my insurance manual.

I know I said I would only read one book at a time but I've recently started reading up about my insurance coverge. 50% of the reason we went down the diagnostic path when we did was to ensure insurance infertility coverage - if needed. Now we know it is needed and I want to know what I can do about it.

Since PCOS is a sister-syndrome of Diabetes I've been reading up on diabetes coverage with hopes being able to take a next step. There are rules and coverages avaliable to patients with diabetes - the main one I have been focusing on is dietisans.

I would really like to go to a dietisan to learn about what it is to be insulin-resistant and what I can do about. I am an auditory learner so while reading books is good for me I function much better if I can hear it. It college I had a room mate who would read our text books outloud while I layed and listened - it was perfect :) I am also a visual learner. I'm thinking I'm going to need to make a chart of good vs bad carbs & sugars and other foods!!

All in all, I just want to understand my rights and the rules of insrance as best I can. There are people at my school that didn't even know that you can get 45 massages a year on my insurance...craziness!!

Fingers crossed.

Book #2 - Why we get fat

One of my best friends, Robyn, recommended this book to me. While she does not suffer from PCOS she is very into all things {healthy} food. This book {from what she has told me} helps explain what carbs and sugars are and how to eat them correctly. I am very interested to get into this book!!

Fingers crossed.

first book, first sense of relief...

I've been nose deep in this book for almost a week. I had borrowed it from my friend K and once I got the diagnosis I ordered myself a copy so I can obsessively take notes and write in it. I'm about 1/3 of the way through it and I feel like my life is written in the pages. It is so hard for me to explain.

Everything I've ever thought about myself - overweight, acne, oily, no MC to speak of - I made excuses for. I'm overweight because I eat too much, the stuff I eat makes me have acne, I'm oily simply because that is how I am. I know now that it is because I have PCOS. Knowing gives me relief and strength and knowledge.

It is helping me to really understand that I am my best advocate, that I am not "normal" but there are things I can learn and change to make my body work better for me. And most surprisingly, I have learned that I have WONDERFUL people in my life!!

My Mom has already stated she wants to read the same books I do, my Aunt (the mother of my cousin who has PCOS) spent an hour talking to me on the phone and asking great questions, one of my best friends spent some time researching low-carb diets and recommended another book that I will soon be reading. She's read it (she does not have PCOS but is very into healthy food and living). I've had many of my coworkers offer support and encouragement and shown a desire to learn more right along side with me. Many of my other friends have offered a listening ear. It means the world to me.

I am determined to learn to live with PCOS and battle whatever hurdles for having a family that they may bring. I feel better the more people I have working with me, thinking about me, and of course, keeping their...

Fingers crossed.

PS. Tomorrow I have the 2 hour Glucose test. Wish me luck!!!