I talk to myself...do you?

I know...it sounds weird but it is so, so true! I spend a vast majority of the day talking to myself. Not just thinking, but actually talking out loud! 

I do it because I need to. For so long I was such a negative person - talking down to myself, talking about others in negative ways, judging people I'd never met, and just basically being miserable! It wasn't a good existence. Over the last two years, as I have lost the weight, gained a love for barre3, and had to focus on myself more than ever before, I feel like I have truly changed but it hasn't been without a lot of work!

Throughout the last few years I have spent a lot of time talking to myself. It used to be all negative and sometimes still occasionally is, lets be real...we are our toughest critics. That's why this post is happening. The last two months after my second shoulder surgery have been rough. With no exact date to my barre3 ban known, a basic lack of motivation and without my friends being off of work at the same time of me - leading to boredom I'm definitely feeling deflated. Then the other day I YELLED at myself - SNAP OUT OF IT! Things aren't as bad as you think!!! And that was when I realized how negative I was being. Here's a few of the examples of how I talk to myself...

~ You just had surgery so your arms are supposed to look like that.
~ If you eat cheese, you will get zits. Don't eat the cheese.
~ You can go to the gym for an hour. If you were at your best you'd be going to barre3 for an hour. That's the same amount of time, just a different activity.
~ You don't need Burgerville. Especially when you are by yourself in the car. If you're going to eat fast food - always eat it with others to be accountable.
~ Stop avoiding something you should really be doing! {I was funneling cheese into a smaller container when I was supposed to be writing a letter of rec}
~ You've already walked for 30 minutes, turn on another Sex & The City episode and continue walking!
~ Don't text while driving. You don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else
~ Sit up straighter.

These are just a few examples from the past few days!

Do you talk to yourself either out loud or in your head? I think we all have some sort of self talking go on - especially when it comes to foods!

Fingers crossed {that my self talk becomes more and more positive}!!!

there's always time for a little celebration!!

Last night my hubby and I dressed up, went down into Portland, and had a nice & fancy dinner at McCormick & Schmick's Harborside at the Marina! We had some celebrating to do {and some gift certificates to use}!

Jason & I :) Love him!!!

 



At first I went into this dinner and I was in a "I'll have whatever I want (likely something I shouldn't have) mood" but then once I sat down my conscious really got the better of me. Maybe conscious isn't the right word. My thought pattern went like this...

- I want the blackened chicken pasta with alfredo linguine.
- But, I had cheese a few days ago so I don't know if I need that much dairy today.
- Plus, I might have dessert which might have dairy in it.
- I still want chicken though. What about the Parmesan chicken? It's still dairy but not as much as the alfredo sauce.
- Order glass of Riesling.
- Talk to waiter. Tell him I do want the chicken pasta but I don't want the alfredo. Waiter suggests that we do a veggie medley on top of noodles that have olive oil instead.
- BINGO!

I forgot to take a picture of my dinner but it was delicious. It was the Parmesan crusted chicken breasts with linguine and tomatoes & fresh basil. It was fresh, it was light, and it was perfect & just for me.

I've said it many times on here and many, many more times in my life - YOU have to be an advocate for yourself. Whether it is going to the doctors or eating as best you can at a restaurant you are the only one who is truly looking out for you!!

it wouldn't be an Annie post if there wasn't a comparison picture!

left ~ April 2012

right ~ May 2013

Because I made the decision to change my meal I felt better about myself, I am proud of myself, and I ordered {almost} exactly what I wanted for dessert. If I had had my choice {and I did, I just chose something else} I would have loved to have had the cheesecake with berries and next time that is available I just might. This time, though, I decided to share the MOST delicious apple pie upside down pie with vanilla ice cream with my husband. There's something fun and intimate about sharing a dessert...and my husband always lets me have the last bite! He's sweet like that.

Have any of you made any good choices recently at a restaurant? Salad instead of fries? Sharing dessert? I'd love to hear how everyone out there handles eating out!!

Fingers crossed {that next time I go out I can make good choices}...

you HAVE to be your own advocate...

...because no one is going to do it for you!!!

Part of the reason I got started on this journey is because I has someone (a friend of a friend, NOT a doctor) recognize my symptoms. I got lucky. I'd already waited about 5 years to start this process. I'd had my OB tell me to "keep waiting" even though I told her I had PCOS. UG. Okay, getting off my personal soap box. Kind of.

It really is up to you to...

You HAVE to be your own advocate. You HAVE to ask for what you want. It is up to you. Doctors {at least the ones I have seen} seem to be listening and treating less & less...and just writing perscriptions and getting you in & out. It is truly, up to you.

Case in point.

Last week I called my Endo because I wanted to re-run all my labs before my one year Endo appointment (Mid-January) so we could make some decisions at that meeting. I want to be a part of my decisions from here on out and I knew we'd me talking about if I need to stay on Metformin anymore. I left a message stating my intentions and got a message back saying that my 6 month check up had been so good they didn't think they'd need new results. It didn't sit right with me and on Monday I called again and left another message, again, about wanting to get these results. My reasons are simple. One ~ I am a data freak. I want to see that number go down and the specific levels get into the average range. Two ~ I have put SO much hard work in and I want to make sure it's working. I know it is...but I need to see it on paper. That's just how my brain works. Oh, and there's a third one ~ I've hit my Out of Pocket Maximum so the tests will be free :) But that's a small part of it. Seeing the numbers get smaller and smaller is the main reason :)

I got a message back today that they sent me all the lab slips and I will be go to go to get my labs done next week. I am SO proud of myself for asking what I really wanted. Can't wait to share (and see) the results!

 

Fingers crossed {the labs come back awesome}...