{still} waiting...

I am super beyond frustrated tonight and even then those words don't do what I am really feeling justice. Like I said yesterday I had called OHSU yesterday to see if my results had even gotten back. Turns out they were in on Tuesday but the lady that assured me that she'd send the results to my Endo ASAP - did not. Simply put.

I figured that out when I called my Endo this morning and they hadn't gotten anything and I think she could tell I was really frustrated {probably because my voice cracked a bit because I was about to lose it} and assured me that there is a note on my chart to call me ASAP. I'm kind of over being assured things - I just want them to get done!! So then I called OHSU back and that's when she told me she'd had my results but hadn't faxed them over. WHAT THE HELL?? I mean, I know I don't always do things the exact day I get them - but that's like paperwork or making a copy for something - not life changing and potentially earth shattering medical information!!!

Needless to say I'm not sure I was in the most cheerful of moods at the end of the day. Then I started running a bunch of errands and was later than I would have liked getting to my parents house. That is where the above quote comes in. While today was not a good day because I didn't get my results that I so badly want ~ I did get to spend some fun time with my family, family friends & coworkers ~ all of which were very nice.

I went and had dinner with my parents and some family friends who have a 5, 2, and 3 month old. It was SO much fun, but I will admit it was hard too. My Dad LOVES babies and kids. We call him the baby hog because if there is a baby around he will hog it. At dinner tonight he even gobbled down his food so he could hold the baby. Then we started playing in the fort that my Dad and the girls had constructed before I even got there. And the whole time we were eating, talking and playing all I could think was it's supposed to be MY kids he is playing with!!! I hope that someday it will be but it was strange mix of sad and happy. So strange that I don't even know if it I could do myself justice by trying to explain it.

Well, here's to another weekend full of worry and a guarantee that I'll be calling the doctor first thing Monday morning to make really sure they know I want the results!!!

Fingers crossed.

i heart waiting {not}...

This quote is so true and so not true at the same time.

The questions and tests I've been through and have been complicated and yes, the answer will be simple. It will either be PCOS or L-O CAH. That much is simple, and that is where the simplicity ends.

Though I suppose then that is where another set of questions begins and I'm not sure those answers are simple. I've been trying not to dwell on what I do not yet know but it has been hard. Like, really hard. I am totally a worst case scenario type of person. It's not something I love about myself...

I called OHSU today to see if they'd even gotten the results back from where ever they had to be sent to. I haven't heard back from her and I hope to tomorrow. Sharon at OHSU was always pretty quick at returning calls. I might also just give in and call my Endo. I don't want to be a bother but I really want to know. I want to know before the weekend so, if I need it, I can use it to process. Since this will be the "result of all results" I might need more time to cope than I did last time.

Though I feel like this time around I am prepared for news. I think my first breakdown was after I found about that I have great insurance - for everything except infertility. When I found out about the PCOS/IR/more testing I didn't initally have a breakdown. I was kind of waiting for it but it came in little spurts over many weeks, hitting me at some of the most random times. It quickly turned from fear and worry to empowerment and worry.

I'm ready for the news and to start the newest {read: toughest, scariest, craziest, worrisome, semi-conclusive, } part of my life...living with some sort of endocrine syndrome. Well, make that 2 endocrine systems. One is Insulin Resistance and one is...well, hopefully we'll know tomorrow.

Fingers crossed.