2 year endocrinologist update!

Last week I went to my endocrinologist for my 2 year check up! I was seriously excited to go because I was proud to show off all the changes I had made.

I am in no way-shape-or form a doctor. This post is based solely on what my Endocrinologist and myself discussed. If you have health related questions please contact your own doctor. 

 

I am so proud of the woman I was...she started this journey.

I am so proud of the woman I am now...because I have been changing my life for over 2 years.

I am sure I will be proud of the woman I will become...because, well, I can't imagine my life any other way!

**January 2012 - Initial Endocrinologist Results**
Weight ~ 213 lbs
BMI ~ 38%
Hemoglobin A1c ~ 5.9 {normal range according to my Endo is 4.0 - 6.0}

**January 2012 - 2 year Endocrinologist Results**
Weight: 143 lbs
BMI: 24%
Hemoglobin A1c ~ 4.6 after 22 months on Metformin

July 2011

October 2012

July 2011

November 2012

 

When I first got my results back from the endocrinologist I was considered insulin resistant, they thought I had something wrong with my adrenal glands {turns out I'd just recently had a cortisone shot and sent my levels through the roof}, my Vitamin D level was 17.6 L2 {normal range 30.0-150.0}, and I was just in overall poor health.

 

My first tipping point was a Halloween party...but my boulder that catapulted me off the seesaw was getting my lab results back! It really shocked my system. I KNEW I was overweight, I KNEW I was unhealthy & unhappy but until those numbers were on the paper I didn't realize how bad it was. Nothing to me, at that point, was as scary as hearing that if I kept on the path I was I would have diabetes in a year. My endocrinologist was very blunt with me and for that I will be forever grateful. She was the FIRST doctor to tell me I was overweight and needed to change. Looking back that fact still shocks me.

 

Over the course of the last 22 months I did go on a few different medications that I believed help me. I started 500mg extended release Metformin in February/March 2012 and stopped one week ago. I have a follow up appointment in July 2014 to see how 6 months off of Metformin goes and I am so excited to see if the hard work I put in pays off. I admit it, I am nervous to go off the Metformin because I feel like it did help me get to me a little "looser" with my carbs because of my PCOS. But I am ready for the challenge of eating what I know my pancreas can handle. My goal is to only eat carbs at 2/3 meals in my day.

 

I am still taking Vitamin D {I mean, I like in Washington State so I feel like I'd need that anyways}, Singular, and birth control. Totally normal and totally unrelated to PCOS meds!

 

Fingers crossed {that my levels stay low}!!!

being attached to an outcome...

attached ~ joined or fastened to something
outcome ~ something that follows as a result or consequence

This past week has really been a testament to not being attached to a perceived outcome. When I start something I expect things to go as I want them to (unrealistic - I know). I'm historically known for not doing well when things don't go my way or how I expect them to go. I've been trying to work on this and I think that maybe, just maybe, this is the week that will change it all. Or at least, I can consider it a good attitude week.

barre3 and QVC

expected outcome: to be with Harper working out in the background as Sadie sells barre3 DVD's.
actual outcome: spending less than 36 hours in Philadelphia visiting a new barre3 studio, getting to know Harper, Sadie, and Chris as I wouldn't have otherwise, and getting to go back!

Without these change in plans I wouldn't have spent all that time in the car with Sadie & Chris while they were relaxed. I might not got to have heard various conversations about the business of barre3. I wouldn't have had the chance to meet and chat with the studio owner & a few instructors of barre3 Newtown. Harper and I wouldn't have ventured into Philly. It was impossible to be mad at the situation when the people who were paying for, living for, and had dreamed of it for longer than me, were so super positive.

the number on the scale ~ goal weight

expected outcome: a number in a range based on height (that NO doctor ever talked to me about)

actual outcome: currently 144.4

 

The number on the scale is a tough thing to get over. Society has taught us that it means so much but I believe it truly doesn't. When I started this journey almost 22 months ago I honestly didn't have a goal weight in mind. I still don't! I didn't think I could lose this much weight. Sure, I wanted to but I didn't know how. My one goal....to NOT be diabetes! That's a good goal...right?!?! I truly believe that this is why I have had the success that I have had. I wasn't hyper focused on one number, I was hyper focused on health. Plain and simple.

 

I obviously used the scale as a tool but I think I'm done with it for a while. I have a Cyster name Chelsea who is rocking her PCOS body & weight loss and she just did "no scale July" and I'm thinking I need to do "no scale August". It will be a nice break from the "Wednesday weekly weight in".  It's going to be super hard but I need to trust in the process. I have learned SO much about my body in the past almost 2 years. I now know what to feed it to fuel it and I know how to work it to support it.  

 

***********************************

 

Sometimes the actual outcome is better than the expected outcome. It's all about figuring out what you want to do, whether it be lose weight, change something about yourself, or make a change in your life. Once you figure out what you want to do it's all about figuring out how to do! It's all common sense! For me...slow and steady was the way to go. I bought books on PCOS, I talked to people about food & exercise, I tried barre3 {which changed my life forever}, and I got uncomfortable. Looking back, I was uncomfortable before I lost the weight.

 

***********************************

 

And because I L.O.V.E. comparison pictures...

 

 

Left ~ July 29th, 2011. One day before Leena's wedding.

Right ~ July 30th, 2013. Just another normal day of barre3, PT, and a walk with Sabrina.

 

Leena's cousins said it best...

 

The woman in the before picture is pretty amazing. After all, it was her that had the discipline and determination to set and achieve a goal. ~Ajay

Fingers crossed {that more unexpectedly amazing outcomes are coming my way}...

 



-75 pounds!!!

The title truly says it all!

Just two weeks after shoulder surgery I hit the magnificent milestone of -75 pounds of weight loss. Now, I know some of that is because of inactivity during that period of time but I'll take it!




Of course, there has to be a comparison picture!!




My husband always takes my pictures. But with a very hurt arm the pictures were a little more interesting this time. We took 17 pictures total trying to get a comparison picture I was happy with... If you look my left arm looks like it's not doing normal things because that's the shoulder I had surgery on! These are my six favorite pictures from the compilation!

I'm aware that once I am able to start working out again in a few weeks, that my weight might go back up because of the muscle I will be building back up. I am totally okay with that. While it is most certainly exciting to see the number go down it is even more exciting to see the pant and shirt sizes go down! I really want to start focusing on the look of a toned body and not as much about the number on the scale! That will also be a little tricky because I've been weighing myself pretty much every couple of days for the last 20 months... My plan right now is when I hit the two-year mark of my tipping point that I will put the scale away and only get out once a month.

I don't feel like I'm going to continue to lose a lot of weight in numbers. But I have every hope that I will continue to lose inches and to burn off this fast I still have.

Another exciting thing happened when I hit this weight though...



According to this BMI calculator I am now considered in the normal weight range! I also talked to one of my friends who is a weight watchers leader and she said for weight watchers the normal range for someone who is 5'4" is 117 pounds through 146 pounds. So it looks as though I am right on track.

Fingers crossed {that the inches continue to come off}...

minus 70 (yes, seventy) pounds!!!

That's still shocking to see, write, hear, and say!!!

70 pounds is two cat litter tubs from Costco

After kind of just easily losing the range from 60-65 pounds...I had to work at getting to that -70 pounds! While I didn't change anything about my diet I did amp up my workout routine as my shoulder surgery draws nearer...and I think I kept adding muscle (which weights more). At least, that is what I am believing.

I feel very lucky that I have PCOS and I have been able to lose 70 pounds. I know many of my cysters aren't as lucky!

-70 pounds in 80 weeks!!!

left: September 2011

right: May 2013

I don't quite know what my trick's have been. I've cut back on carbs, portions, and sitting on the couch. I've increased exercise, greens/fruits/veggies, and my knowledge.

I have really learned how to set myself up for success in many areas of my life...

working out...finding what you love.
I found my one true exercise love - barre3. There is almost nothing I love more than barre3. It calms me and my ADHD brain down, it tones & shapes my PCOS body, and it lengthens and strengthens my osteoarthritis back & toes. Even with all my idiosyncrasies it is the perfect fit and that, is what I love most. Anyone can do this. I did this when I weighed 220 pounds! My father in law has done barre3! Anyone with anything is welcome and fitted at barre3. I also walk...a LOT! Just at work I walk about 3 or 4 miles a day and I know that thanks to my FitBit and I try to walk 2 - 4 times a week but sometimes this dreary PNW weather gets the best of me.

eating better...knowing how & what to eat.
This has been the other major change I have made. Before being diagnosed with PCOS I was so unaware of the food I was eating. I was treating myself badly by eating way too much of everything I ate. I considered a can of green beans enough veggies. I have learned a lot about what portions truly are and how much of each type of food is recommended. A lot of what I have learned I got from participating in the barre3 28 to Great Challenge. It's core values are that of any nutritionist, portions!! Check in out and give it a whirl. I have that chart from the link taped to my fridge as a daily reminder.

believing in myself...I am beautiful like me.
This was a harder one to come by and something I will be working on for the rest of my life. Being over weight isn't an easy thing to be and I truly didn't love myself in so many ways. I still struggle with ideas/ideals about how my body looks but it's slowly getting easier. Now...my brain wants to go to the "well, you can't gain it all back because you'll be a failure" model and I honestly don't think I'll ever go back to where I was.

setting myself up for success...an organizing life is an easier life.
The night before the next day is a pretty busy time around here. We are usually setting out our workout clothes for the next day, making a plan while grocery shopping, or making lunches. You can follow my lunches feed on Instagram {username anniebelle316}. I like to plan when my "treats" will be and focus on them instead of thinking I need a treat every day. I also don't always save treats for just special occasions. Sometimes getting through the workday, the workout, the craziness of life - that's enough.

18 months later...

 

Fingers crossed {that this isn't the end but yet the continuation}...

continuously cold!

Maybe it's just me {which I think it might be} but I am continuously cold. Like, all the time. Even in 85 degree Phoenix last month I wasn't sweating in the sunshine.

70 degrees. Long sleeves. Fire.

I just can't shake the feeling that I'm cold. As I sit here and type this isn't a Thursday evening in Washington State. The temperature in the house is a comfy 72 degrees - and I have on the fire, fleece pj pants, and fuzzy socks. No joke. I can't wait to go to bed to my electric blanket!

I have a co-worker who has lost almost 80 pounds in the past few years. She and I went on a walk the other day and I brought up my constant cold-ness. If anyone was going to understand...it was her! And she did! I knew I had to do a little research and here is a good article that I found.

How Come When you Lose Weight You Get Cold?

Lose a Fat Layer ~ This makes total sense to me. When I started this journey I weighed 220 pounds. As of this morning I weighed 153.5 pounds. That is -66.5 pounds which is equivalent to 30% body fat loss. WOWZERS. I literally just did the math {pats self on back}. I have most definitely lost the most fat around my waist/hips which is where a lot of my fat was stored and was keeping my internal organs nice and warm {wasn't that nice}!

Calorie Conservation ~ While I am most certainly not a calorie counter, I am definitely eating different foods that I used to. I do enjoy some of my favorite things that probably aren't considered "life style change food" but overall, my calorie's that I intake are much different.

It really does make sense when you think about it. Less fat {aka insulation} means colder bodies. Has anyone else who has lost a significant amount of weight experienced this? I'd love to hear from you!!

Fingers crossed (that the weight keeps coming off and my core temperature starts to catch up}...

i lost sixty pounds!!!

I did it. I have lost sixty {yes, 60} pounds. I did it the hard way - by changing my lifestyle. By taking the time to learn about my body. And by spending a crazy amount of money to get there.

It was worth every moment, ounce of sweat, penny, salad, bad moment, good moment, a few doughnuts, new foods, sore muscles, and tear.

I also learned I have the most amazing support system. From friends, family, coworkers, facebook friends, the barre3 community, doctors and even a few complete strangers I have been supported in so many ways. But none, not a single one, matters as much as the support of my husband who, himself, has lost almost 40 pounds.

I am happy, almost content, lighter, quicker to smile, feeling more positive, energized and excited about the future. One year ago I probably wouldn't have used very many of those adjectives to describe myself.

On to the obligatory comparison picture!!

Left ~ September 2011 ~ 220 lbs

Right ~ January 2013 ~ 160 lbs

 

Left ~ September 2011 ~ 220lbs

Middle Left ~ April 2012 ~ 200 lbs

Middle Right ~ August 2012 ~ 180 lbs

Right ~ January 2013 ~ 160 lbs

 

One of my favorite parts of this journey has been finding my place in the world at barre3. I am so proud of the work I have done there on myself and the others I have inspired! Thanks for the love barre3 Vancouver!!!!

 

Fingers crossed {that the next 10 pounds is as fulfilling as the last 60}...

It's HERE!!!!

I have reached the 50 pound weight loss milestone! I feel shocked, amazed, thankful, grateful, gracious and probably lots of other adjectives that I can't think of right now... I almost jumped up and down on the scale I was so happy but then I realized it was glass! I definitely shed a tear or two ;-)

I really can't quite describe what this means to me. The last 10 pounds have been a struggle to get off. They didn't melt off like the first 40. I know...rough...but it's true. But, I feel proudest about these 10 pounds. I cheated and I stumbled but I obviously worked my ass off too.

I know the person on the left was me but I don't feel like I know her anymore. But at the same time part of me is so afraid I'll slip back into all of that. But the other part of me knows how happy and healthy I am now. I'm one year into this journey, as of yesterday. My "tipping point" was at a Halloween party on 10/29/11 when two of my friends inadvertently shoved my weight in my face. I had been ignoring how overweight I was and was spiraling out of control.

That day changed it all. I chose my hard...I chose the road less traveled. The path my doctors are even shocked I took. I chose to figure it out now - instead of later.

I choose health. That's my hard.

Fingers crossed {but maybe not because this life of mine is changing}...

And I couldn't be happier!!!

day three ~ b3 challenge

Day three started off with a 10 minute routine - again, before the shower. After the routine, and again, before the shower I stepped on the scale and saw...

 

I almost jumped for joy but I realized I was standing on glass ;-)

My original goal {that, one year ago, I NEVER thought I'd make} was 170 pounds and I think it is safe to say I am almost there!!! Though, since I made this goal it has 'changed' to 160. So 10.8 pounds to go :) Hopefully by Christmas-ish. For my 'milestone' present I have decided to get myself something called a FitBit. It's like a pedometer on steroids...more on it later!!!

For the second part of the mybarre3 challenge we needed to workout {brisk walk, jog, hike} for 30 minutes. I knew I needed to get myself to the gym. I wouldn't have put in an awesome effort if I'd gone home. I really do need to be around others!! I went to the gym and did 10 minutes on the stair stepper at Level 5, ran/walked for 20 minutes. It would say it was about 40 run/60 walk. I walked at speed 3.4 and ran at speed 4.3!!!! I felt like I could have gone longer but I wanted to make sure that I saved my back because it has definitely been tight this week!!!

This new life of mine is pretty sweet. I think the weight loss, in a way, makes up for all that time we spent trying to get pregnant. It makes it tolerable.

Fingers crossed.

-40 pounds ~ the proof

Left: Sept 2011 - Probably about 215lbs or so...

Middle: 5.9.12 - 191.8lbs

Right: 8.1.12 - 179.6lbs

-27.5 inches!!!

Since 12.21.11 I have lost 27.5 inches off my body. That's over 2 feet!!!!

-40 pounds....

...and a bit of looking back and forwards.

My exact words {out loud & alone in the bathroom} were F*** YES when I saw this on the scale...

I've been fighting this last 5 pounds for about 7 weeks. I know, it is good to lose 5 pounds in 7 weeks, but it was a struggle and I am happy to be there.

Why I struggled: Right after school got out I spent 5 days sitting in front of my computer working on my state ProCert, then I went to Spokane/Pullman for a long weekend to visit friends. I did okay when I came back from that and I've worked out also every single day but I was definitely snacking a bit more. Though not on too much bad stuff because I refuse to buy it! It was probably all the wine and cheese I bought while in Pullman ;-) Last week we were in MN for 9 days visiting family {ie. eating out}. But I think I did pretty good. I only had fries once and macaroni once. I skipped dessert multiple times. And I got fruit with my cheeseburger!!!

How I am going to MOVE FORWARD:

~ I need to focus on the food I am putting in my body. I want to go to a Dietitian. Not to be put on a "diet" but to really start to understand food. My PCOS specialist said I should watch the documentary called Knives Over Forks. He cautioned me to really thinking about trying to cut milk & cheese. That I am not mentally ready to do right now but I am ready to cut it back.

~ Working out. Our local Barre3 had a deal for teachers that we could pay ($99) for a one month unlimited for classes {normally $150}. My goal is to go to Barre3 3 - 4 times per week, depending on my back. I am going to still continue to train with my trainer but might start doing every other week. It is very expansive but it has been very helpful!!

~ Focus on a goal. My next weight loss goal is 170 pounds. My reward for that goal is going to be a Nike Fuel Band or a FitBit. I need to do more research about which one I want - more on that to come! They both are devices that help you monitor your calories and steps and all that good stuff. I figure when I get to the -50 pound mark I'm going to need something to keep me going.

On a positive note...I went to try on a bridesmaids dress for my cousin's wedding and I was a size 14...

almost exactly one year ago I was buying another BM dress in a size 18W and it was TIGHT.

WOW. I haven't compared these two pics before. It's harder to see because it isn't full body but man oh man I can tell {ps I"m wearing the same gurtle bra in both these pics}. My cousin's wedding this fall will be 1 day less than a year apart from when I was in my brother's wedding (purple dress). I can't wait to see those comparison pics!!!

GOALS...

Up until now I really didn't want to set goals and I'm kind of still not sure I want to...but I'm going to try it. The toughest part for me will be the T {time-bound} in the SMART goals montra. Not setting goals means I don't have to possibly eventually face failure. But, I think things have been going pretty good around here SO maybe it is time. One of my good friends/co-worker Shelley has started writing her goals down and it inspired me to do the same, somewhat. She and I are very different but are on a journey towards weight loss, which we have both struggled with our whole lives.

{weight}

Before these last months I never had put a weight goal into number form. My "weight watchers" ideal weight is somewhere in the 140's but I'm not sure that is obtainable...When I started this journey I thought that 180 lbs would be a good goal but I'm there now...

My eventual weight goal is 160. It took me 8 months to lose 40 pounds and I'm kind of at a plateu so I'm thinking I could lose the next 20 in the next 8 months {hopefully sooner}. Phew. Kind of feels weird to write that down!

{events}

Sunday, December 2nd ~ Jingle Bell Arthritis Walk/Run 5K in Portland, OR
~This is not only a goal for me to be able to run a 5K by this point but I live with osteoarthritis on a daily basis. I hope that many of my family and friends will join and support me in this cause.

Saturday, August 3rd, 2012 ~ SPARTAN RACE 3K Obsatacle Course in Washougal, WA
~This really is why I started setting goals. My good friend Danielle particiapted in the race this year and SOMEHOW convinced a few of us to tag along next year. Thankfully we have a L O N G time to get ready for the race. 380 days from today, as a matter of fact.

{etc.}

Size 12. I'm currently in between a 14 & 16 depending on what brand the pants are. I don't own any size 12's so this will be a big deal because I"ll have to go out and buy new pants!! I hope this will happen in the 2012-2013 school year.


No more doctors. Well, not all, but most. My goal is by my 30th birthday {3/16/13} to only need to go to my massage therapist :) and my chiropractor during any given month. I know I will always being going to doctors, it's kind of my "thing", but I am getting SO sick of paying around $200 per month in co-pays. I'll need to see the OB and the Endo and the PCOS specialist once a year but I want to be done with physical therapy and labs and blood draws. I don't know how realistic this goal is since many of my 'things' that I have are life long it is my hope that with this new life style change I've got going on I won't need as many doctors.


Are my goals...

Specific ~ yes.
Measureable ~ yes.
Attainable ~ yes.
Relevant ~ yes.
Time-bound ~ yes-ish.

Fingers crossed.

minus 35 pounds....

Left: October 29, 2011 - two days before my "tipping point"
Right: June 18, 2012 - at 185 pounds which is minus 35 pounds!!! And by the time I weighed in a few days later I was at -38 and have stayed there for 2 weeks...I need to kick it in gear!!!

Though this happened a few weeks ago (I'm writing this on 6/30) I still haven't hit the -40 mark but I"m okay with that. Between the end of the year and going on a mini 4 day vacation I'm happy that I only gained .4 in the last two weeks. That is a success to me.

I also can't believe that I have lost almost 40 pounds!!! It has been a combo of hard work, exersice, eating better (not right because I will always allow myself treats), and staying positive. The last part is the hardest part for me - it always has and probably always will be.
Now that school is out for summer (!!!!!!!) I really want to try to get some of my meals and tips and whatnot up here. As well as some goals I am finally setting for myself. Now that I have the beginnings of the change underway it is time to look forward!!!

I cannot wait to hit that -40 pound mark.

Fingers crossed!!!

it is {almost} unbelieveable...

Every few weeks or so I get my measurements done by my personal trainer!! It is a super awesome way to see the results...see below for the proof!!!

The two I am continuously most proud of are the waist and hip measurements. They are, by far, the most noticeable!!! I'm done 6.75 inches in my waist and 6.25 inches in my hips. It is, to me, crazy. I mean...wow. Just think about that. I don't go off these weights because they are almost always in the evenings and I'm clothed with shoes on...but On my weight loss journey I have lost 33.3 pounds since last October. I've decided to switch to calculating by the 220lb number because that was my heaviest and where I started this journey from...crazy. Just crazy.

The first quote I really put up there because PCOS has so many odds stacked against it and since I have PCOS, that means that I do too. But, I am determined to "overcome" them. PCOS is never.ever.ever going to go away. I have had it forever and I will have it forever. I am doing things like ~ losing weight, eating healthy, washing my hair with sulfate free shampoo {to control the oil}, educating myself as to what PCOS and IR really are and many more things.

It's been 2 weeks shy of 5 months since I went in to the endocrinologist and 2 weeks sky of 6 months since I started working out with Amanda. These have been the most telling, trying, tearful, and terrific months of my life. And for that, I am greatful.

my inspirations...

Since I've been losing weight people keep telling me I am an inspiration...and while I am beginning to see it/believe it...I was certainly inspired by others!!! Here, in no particular order, are some of my inspirations.
Picture this. I'm at a Halloween party with my coworkers. Two of them are talking about how, when they were pregnant, they got around or over 200 pounds. And it wasn't like they were just stating that as a number, there were comments (unknowing of my weight) about how they couldn't IMAGINE being that weight without being pregnant. Now imagine my self-image thoughts as I'm standing there, not pregnant, at 220 pounds. It wasn't a good conversation going on in my head. I actually stopped drinking because I knew if I didn't I'd say something I'd regret. I was standing there, amongst my friends, totally self-loathing myself. UG. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. Looking back, that moment, was one of my lowest moments and I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I needed to change. I started using "MyFitnessPal" the next week to start to keep track of my calories after seeing my old college classmate Lindsey's transformation...

This is my old college classmate Lindsey. She's lost almost 100 pounds. 100 POUNDS. And you know how she did it, food control and exercise. I mean, NO fad diets, NO drinks/smoothies/programs. It is amazing!! And she's lost even more since these pictures were taken. I think what I am most inspired by her is that she did it the "old fashioned way". That's how I am doing it too. I mean, it is nice to see the people's before and after's on TV, but it really got me going when it was someone I knew!!

Another person is an old frat brother of my hubby's.

This is Larkin. He has an amazing spirit and was one of my hubby's favorite frat brothers. Like I said about Lindsey, it is so much more meaningful to see people I know having such great success. Larkin, who I am friends with on Facebook, appears to go to the gym all.the.time. I don't honestly know how he's lost all the weight but it is inspirational none-the-less.

I got this message on Facebook the other day. You know how in the wide world of FB you're friends with people who you've only met a few times - well this is one of those situations. This message is from an old sorority sister of one of my best friends. As you can see, she had a baby (I think almost a year ago). I was SO surprised when this message popped up in my Inbox. I read it like 5 times. I think this might have been the turning point in my believing I might inspire others. A person, who I've met probably less than 10 times in my life, is messaging me to tell me I'm an inspiration. I guess it could be true...

Fingers crossed.

-25 pounds...

I CANNOT believe I am down 25* pounds in 4 1/2 months. But then again, I can.

I am working HARD to do this. I am MAKING myself get out there, even if it is for a one mile walk!!

I am doing this. I will do this. I will get to my goal {whatever that may be}. Right now it is 170 but I am starting to BELIEVE I can get lower. I want to be somewhere it is easy to maintain but I suppose that is every one's weight loss goal.

I really love that I'm doing this by exercise and eating right. No fad diets - no "programs" {besides WW}. Just all natural, working out, healthy eating, eating less in quantity, eating less processed foods. Well, I should mention that I am still taking 500mg of Metformin...so I guess I am doing that but that's doctors orders ;-) And if that is what is helping me then I'm going to take it for the rest of ever!!

Fingers crossed.

*The 25 pounds is since 1.2.12 when I joined WW. The heaviest I ever got that I recorded was 22. So...when you take that in to account I've lost over 32. I think it is important to remember that...because I've come a long ways!!

minus 10% weight loss...

Left: Sept 2011 - Probably about 215lbs or so...

Right: 5.9.12 - 191.8lbs

Down 10% or 21 pounds since 1.2.12

Part of the reason I'm posting these pictures to hold myself accountable. Partially it is to "inspire" others. And partially it is because I am proud. There, I said it, I am proud of myself. I literally deleted that sentence twice. I don't want to seem like I am bragging because I'm not. I still am overweight. I'm still a size 16 BUT I have lost a lot of inches, weight, and a few tears along the way!! And combined with my hubby we've lost close to 50 pounds together.

*The weights in this chart are a bit off. I weight in Monday mornings at home. This is generally a week day at the gym (aka clothed and full). But it is nice to see regardless of the specific number I am losing!!

I know though, that while I am happy with the weight loss - I am happier with the inches lost. The above graph is from my sessions with my amazing trainer at 24 hour. I'm not if you'll be able to see it (It looks tiny in my editor) so I'll give you the jist. My waist has gone from 38.75 -->33 which is 5.75 inches. My hips have gone from 47 --> to 41.5 which is down 5.5 inches. It is amazing, even to me.

I attribute my success to a few things (in no particular order - well except maybe the first one). My desire NOT to get diabetes, my husband, my theoretical future children, myself, learning what carbs really are, not wanting to weight 200++ pounds anymore, hating buying 1X clothes. There really are so many more, so many more that are deeper but I think this is enough of a pitty party for today!

Here's to hoping the next 4 months are as successful as the last :)

Fingers crossed.

on believing in yourself...

I can't believe it has been almost a month since my last post. It seems like nothing and everything has changed...

Here's a bit of what I've been up too...

Today I saw this when I stepped on the scale...I actually stepped on twice because I didn't believe it...

This means just over 10% weight loss since January 2nd. It is an amazing and scary feeling. I started this journey on 1/2/12 at 213 pounds. The heaviest I'd gotten was 220. So really - it is almost 30 pounds since Oct/Nov but I'm going off the 213 from January because that's when I started WW...though I am most certainly still keeping the 220 number in my head - hoping to never get there again - unless I'm pregnant with twins ;-)

The most recent hangup for me has been a thought process I think I've just begun to come to terms with this week. I don't want to go back. Going back, to me, means getting diabetes. Sure, I still am at risk, but I'm really hoping all these changes I've been making will help me NOT get to diabetes. And if I get it, I get it, but I am doing almost everything in my power not too.

I must have really stopped believing in myself last summer/fall. Turns out, I gave away ALL of my old size 14/16 pants and shirts...and even my size 12 favorite-of-all-time goal pants. I KNOW that I didn't think I could do it and the last few days since I realized they were gone - it's been hard to not get down on myself. I did get down on myself. Like, I woke up in the middle of the nights thinking about the clothes. They were just clothes but they were more to me. They were those old pictures, the weight I was then, the memories, everything. It's tough to let go of the fact that I won't be in them again - especially when I hadn't even remembered giving them away... That's how much I wasn't paying attention to me. And my hubby made a great point - now I get to find new favorite pants and I'm excited for that - but it just isn't the same. But I need to get these thoughts out of my head!! I just remembered but last weekend I went to Coldwater Creek and returned a pair of size 18 pants I'd just bought a few months back because they were WAY too big {Don't worry - I am saving one pair of size 18's for future photo purposes}. They didn't have a 16 but damn if I didn't get those 14s to zip. Now, I can't sit down in them but I bet in a month I'll be able too.

I WILL continue to look at the positives. I WILL start to love myself more than I ever have. I WILL BELIEVE!!!

Fingers crossed.

PS. Is it totally weird to be excited for measurement with my personal trainer today?!?! Because I AM!!!

-5 more lbs AND under 200lbs!!!

That's down 16 total pounds since starting WW in January and 23 since the beginning of the school year when I was at 220. DAMN it feels good!!!!!

This morning was a good weight in morning. Thanks, mostly, to this ultra-fabulous sinus infection I have.

At the bottom it does say that I'm losing weight too fast...but I know it was the sickness that helped me this week. Also, on 2/20 I started the Metformin which is the drug that is helping my body process carbs regularly. That was the last green dot on the graph. Every week since then, I have lost 2 or more pounds. I'd certainly like to think that is more than a coincidence.

I heart this visual :)

It feels SSSOOO good to be under 200 for the first time in, oh, who knows. Probably a year!!! And...I have not worn these pants in almost a year and today...

I did!!! Super pumped because I have lots of clothes that have been sitting at the top of my closet just waiting to be re-worn.

I know there will be a time when it plateau's and things get hard (but really, like it isn't already hard!!!) and it won't be this exciting so I'm going to revel in it and enjoy this ride.

On one of my other blogs I've started a "30 before 30" which is 30 things I want to do before I turn 30 - which is in 369 days! 10 of the things are "good for the body" and one of them is to workout for 30 minutes, 4 days per week which equals out to 204 days. Geesh.... A feat that I've only been able to do for a few weeks but I AM WORTH IT!!!!

- 5% goal!!!

Um, I was kind of shocked when this little message popped up on my phone after my weight in this morning!! First I was shocked that I've lost 2 pounds this week {after a trip to Burgerville and some girl scout cookies this weekend} and second I was shocked that I hit the 5% mark. I hadn't really been paying attention to the percentages but I'm happy none-the-less. And I an S.U.P.E.R. excited to be nearing the under 200lb goal of mine!! Maybe next week?!?! :)

On the bottom of the picture it says something about I'm losing weight to fast - but I really think it is because of the Metformin and the fact that I am eating significantly less carbs than ever before. Sure, I still eat them but they used to take up a huge chunk of my diet and now they are like a treat or a side and the veggies and protein's are the main focus. And it's only going to get better from here as I figure all this IR stuff out!!!

Speaking of Metformin, things have been going wonderfully. The first 3 - 4 days were pretty crappy. Two weekends ago I barely left the house I felt so sick. I had a personal training session a week ago today and there were many times during it I felt that I was going to pass our or puke or something and I was BURNING up. But I am happy to report those side affects are almost all gone. I still take it at night with a hearty meal but between that and the 50,000 IU of Vitamin D I take once a week I am feeling better than I have in a very, very, very long time.

So far so good.

Fingers crossed.

hey mr. postman...

....hurry and bring me my books!!!

I can't wait for them to get here on Wednesday so I can start reading :-)

So I'm a horribly slightly obsessive. There, I said it, kind of. Okay, I am totally obsessive. If I think of something I usually figure out a way to find out about it or have it ASAP. This PCOS is no exception. I think that's part of my fear. I also tend to give up on myself fairly quickly, which adds another layer to the fear.

In thinking about the insulin resistance part of all of this I'm nervous because I already don't like to cook but I'm thinking I need to change my mind set on that. All of the books that I purchased above are in whole or in part related to an {IR} insulin resistant diet. I'm timidly excited about learning about new foods that are good for me, which foods I like that I can continue to eat, and which foods I need to slowly take out of my weekly diet. I think the hardest thing is going to be when we go out or go elsewhere...Thankfully in one of those books there is a chapter on eating out!!

In thinking about the PCOS part of my life it makes me so super nervous. Sure, I've started taking the Metformin but that is the help with the IR. I'm not ready for the other {ie. infertility} drugs. In fact, I am thinking that I really might go back on BC through the summer to get the IR back in control. I know going back on BC seems counter productive to having a baby but I think I need to focus on myself, my health, and my body for now. For some reason over this last week I've felt very strongly about it. Maybe it is the losing 10 pounds and thinking about how much more I want to lose. In relation to that if I did get pregnant now I don't even want to think about what I'd weight. UG. Talk about depressing.

It's kind of funny to think that, what I've wanting and been trying for 1.5 years is now something I don't want at this time in my life. Well, I want it but I want to be centered first. I NEED to be centered first. At least I think I do. I don't know and chances are it'll take a few paths to get there ~ where ever there may be.

Fingers crossed {that happiness lies ahead}.