getting there!

I have waited 5 1/2 months to hear my surgeon say the words "you can touch the barre again." And on Monday, I heard them!! That was at 5:00 PM and by 5:30 I was at barre3 :) Would you expect anything less?!?!

I've seen my surgeon over 10 times in the past 2 years and there's only been 3 appointments I haven't cried during - that's what happens when you see your surgeon while you're in pain! He's a wonderful man but it is SO great to see him smile.

He was SUPER impressed with my scapular control and not using my traps anymore! He was also impressed how long I could maintain a hold, my range of motion, and how happy it's all going. Basically, there was nothing he wasn't pleased with.

I came with a list of things I want to do but mentally need his permission for.

Barre3 using the barre - YES!!
Hiking - Kind of. Little hikes, backpack under 15 pounds. 
Mt St Helens - No :( 
Tennis - Volleying & forehands only. So really, no. 
Horse back riding - No
Golf - Putting & chipping from the sand/long grass only
Biking - Yes on flat land & yes to spin classes

I'm okay with almost all of these. I am very disappointed that I cannot do Mt St Helens this summer BUT I know it's for the better. I'd have to carry a LOT more weight than 15 pounds and pull myself up over boulders and use hiking poles. All no-nos. It's just not worth the risk!

I see him again in 6 weeks and IF things are going good then I'll be fully released with a 1 month check in after that. SO...if all goes well, by the end of August I could be considered "graduated" from all of this which is thrilling and terrifying all at once.

It's been a long road to get here but I am so thankful for my WHOLE village for all of their support during this time. It's a relief to be released of some of my restrictions, to be looking at the "end", and to be moving forward!!

Fingers crossed ~ that this is the beginning of good arms ;-)

where would I be...?

Let me start out my saying that I haven't hurt anything ;-)

It's been a tough week emotionally! This last Thursday was the 1 year anniversary of my first shoulder surgery and 155 days since surgery #2. 

pre surgery #1

pre surgery #2

It's VERY hard not to think where would I be if I had not had to have surgery #2. I could be doing plank, picking up anything over 5 pounds, training with my trainer, riding bikes, playing golf, and not having flabby arms!

I know it is time to look on the brighter side of things! I am so thankful that I have a stellar pair of physical therapists!! I'm lucky that I am able to afford two surgeries and the recovery activities that come along with them. 

Every few weeks my shoulder get stronger & stronger and we up the weight & resistance in my exercises. Then the pain & soreness creeps back in and I get frustrated. I'm tying really hard to remind myself that sore is better than pain. 

It's my goal to stop feeling sorry for myself and to start feeling thankful for all the I have, including a shoulder that is on it's way to being healthy. 

Fingers crossed {that I get some of these restrictions released on June 16th}!!!

shoulder surgery 2.0 {the details}...

The day before surgery 2.0 I took my last Barre3 class for three months. At the time I thought it would only be 6 weeks but my surgeon had other plans...

12.30.13

I miss this view

I have to say that surgery really went well! Bright and early on New Year's Eve day we checked into the hospital. I was less nervous this time around which I believe led to less pain meds which lead to less of a pain med hangover so that was a good thing! I wasn't nearly as delirious as I was last time...there was no cussing about where by bed had gone ;-)

ready to rock #2

This time around they didn't want me to wear my barre3 bracelets into the surgery center which, for some reason, made me really emotional! Thankfully I have a fabulous husband and he decided that Squirt the teddy bear could wear them as bracelets because he was allowed to come into the operating room again! Seriously, best husband ever!!! Recovery went well, I preferred apple sauce this time around as opposed to crackers.

The surgery ended up being more invasive than we thought. Or really, the tare ended up being worse. I still had a labrum tear but this time I tore the whole thing, where as last time I just tore a portion of it. So this time it was double the repair. He had to go through scar tissue, add 2 more anchors, and 3 more stitches. Something that I learned this time that I didn't conceptually understand last time is that a labrum is like a ligament but it has to reattach to the bone. So it doesn't just have to heal but reattach. Crazy!! I either didn't hear that or understand it last time but this time I do. That is why there won't be any barre3 for 6 weeks after I'm out of the sling...so it can fully heal.

Once we got home I had zero pain, which worried me slightly but one call to the surgeon's nurse assured me that it was okay that I wasn't in pain. The first 4 days were easy - relatively speaking. Day 5 is when the trouble started. Since I wasn't in pain I decided to wean myself off of my pain meds and I did it WAY too fast and had MAJOR withdrawals! Not fun.

Since I haven't been in much pain I've been sleeping in the bed since day 10 - as where last time I was in the recliner for 7 weeks. This has been a nice change of pace, pain wise.

We have been thankful to all of our friends and family who have helped us out in so many ways during this time. The dinners were delicious, the treats exciting, and the time helpful! My Mom spend days 3 & 4 with me so Jason could continue to work. It was nice to spend a few days with her. Unfortunately for Jason days 5 & 6 were the worst ;-)

my online barre3 friend Katie sent me these!

I got them the day we go home...it was a very drug-induced convo explaining who they were from to my husband!

 

barre3 dinner, juice, flowers from the home office & magazines/books

This time around I will be in the sling for 6.5 weeks instead of 5 weeks like last time. I won't be going back to barre3 for at least 6 weeks after that, where as last time I went back after 5 days. I am following all the rules this time...I do not want to do this a 3rd time! This time around is a bit more boring because my friends are all at work but I've been trying to get out of the house every day either to go to the store, the gym to walk on the treadmill {okayed by surgeon} or an appointment.

Things are going good!! 14 more sleeps until the sling comes off!!

Fingers crossed {that this good trend continues}...

shoulder surgery 2.0

...and NOT happy about it.

It's officially official. I am having another shoulder surgery. It's scheduled for December 31st but if I can have it earlier I will. My DR is recommending I be out of work for an extended period of time (well over 2 months) so I'm trying to figure that out...between L&I pay, sick days, and cutting back spending now {during Christmas - haha}...we will make it but it will be stressful.

Stressful. But, as I've been reminded, this is most certainly not the worst thing I could be going through. While I am no where near happy about this, I must remember that.

This time will be a bit different. He'll have to go through scar tissue which won't be fun but what will be most noticeable...it is a different season! I'm trying to focus on figuring out how it will be in the winter.

-- I know I won't be able to drive as much because of the weather - in the summer the roads were always dry but that won't be the case now. It isn't safe for myself or the other people for me to be driving while in the sling.

-- Getting a coat on is going to be near impossible. Good thing I have nice barre3 friends! One of my barre3 friends name Regan {of Cardigans and Couture} has nicely lent me a Nike poncho. It might not be the most stylish thing but for those moments when I can't get my coat on and run to the store because I am by myself it is going to be priceless!

-- Pull On Jeans. Yes, you read that right. Turns out...they're actually a thing. In the summer I just wore yoga pants and hiking pants when we went out. I won't have the torque in my shoulder for months to button jeans! I was joking with my Mom that I needed to buy maternity pants so that I can pull up my own pants and she had an even more stylish suggestion. Jag Jeans have come to the rescue! I have to say...after surgery I might have to own a pair that are my right size. Currently, I own a size 8 because I can get them up with one hand BUT the 6's definitely make my butt look better. But since the sling is stylish enough no one will be looking at my booty ;-)

-- I already know what to expect - both good and bad. I know the pain but I also now know how GOOD being healed can feel. I had 2 glorious weeks before the injury that I could do anything I wanted and I am CRAVING that feeling again!!

Fingers crossed {that version 2.0 goes as smoothly as version 1.0}...

{30 thoughts} will history repeat itself?

My thoughts are overrun by my shoulder. It hurts. I can't stop thinking about it. I also can't talk a lot on the internet about it since it happened at work. But I am going through every scenario in my head and a lot of them are negative. Last year I was going through the motions of PT. I did my exercises but it wasn't getting better. I tried elcrostym, patches, and whatever else they told me...and it ended in surgery.

taping 2012

 

taping 2013

 

patch 2012

11 month later...patched up again.

 

Fingers crossed {that history isn't repeating itself}...

 

ps. I'm scared. Really scared.

healing & next steps...

These last 5 1/2 weeks have been a gigantic lesson on healing. I had major surgery and my body needs time to heal but my brain isn't doing so good with that. I haven't gained a single pound which is a victory in and of itself... But I have definitely gained back inches! I won't deny that I am very frustrated by that.

Before the surgery I told myself I was going to do Barre3 online every day, go on walks, and stay active. And I did that, some days. The majority of the days I did not. I feel like I have reverted back to the "pre weight loss Annie" way of life... Sitting on the couch, eating things I shouldn't, being bored. I know this is because my body has to heal but I'm just struggling with it.




Here's what I know...
I get my sling off tomorrow and so I truly know that that will be the day that starts to change everything. I know I will be able to walk outside now because the sling won't make me too hot. I know I will have exercises to do every day to strengthen my shoulder. I know I can choose what I eat. I have to be on live television in nine days. I miss Barre3 studio classes.

Here's what I want...
To lose this extra inch-ish that I gained around my hips. To get back into some kind of routine that doesn't involve sitting all day. To go to Barre3 studio classes more.

Here's how I'm going to do it...
Start planning meals again. Try going to Barre3 once or twice a week, the studio really is what I need. Plan ahead for snacks while I am out and about.

There's been a few days here or there over the last 20 months where I've not done as good as I wish I would have. But this "re-start" is very daunting. These old feelings crept back into my head... My old habits have surfaced because of my forced downtime... It's not that it's all been that bad, I just haven't been as cognizant of what I am putting in my body and the movement I've been giving it. Tomorrow that changes.




My goal is to re-incorporated small daily changes into my life. I've already had some pretty staggering long-term results... But I am hungry for more.

I've been inspired by so many people in these last few weeks with a project I'm doing with Barre3, women in my power up for PCOS group, and lots of women on Instagram!!

Here's to the next path on my journey. One of continuing what I already know, changing what I am doing to adapt to my body needs, and learning new things along the way!

Fingers crossed {for quick healing}...

season of the sling...

I had shoulder surgery last Wednesday and it's been deemed a success! I checked in at the bright and early time of 6 AM wearing my fanciest clothes!




Here's the outfit breakdown... Sheer hairnet covering a quadruple French braid, Classy glasses that I only usually wear from the bathroom to the bed, New aquamarine shirt, My hospital & allergy bracelet, Squirt the teddy bear, And last but certainly not least my Barre3 bracelet!!! Those last two items were my comfort items and I was so happy that the surgeons let me bring them into the operating room!

The results are in. It turns out that there was a tear in my posterior labrum. He fixed the tear and removed the cyst. Even though I wish I hadn't had to of had the surgery I'm very happy that it was an easy find and an easy fix!

I went home just a few hours after the surgery had started. My husband took Wednesday through Sunday off and was home with me the whole five days. He is truly amazing. I realize just how much I appreciate him. He was truly wonderful even when I was at my worst (aka deep in lala & pain land). I truly have a newfound respect for him and now know just how much he loves me. It's amazing when you slow down what you really find. My father-in-law and Penny sent me these gorgeous flowers which really helped put a smile on my face.



I spent the first four nights in five days basically in this position...




That's right, I slept in a recliner. Me, Who can't sleep on airplanes and used to always keep on my stomach, sat and slept solely in a recliner from Wednesday - Sunday night. I've actually got the entrance and exit from the recliner down pretty well! I set myself up with two TV trays to my right that have a variety of things that I needed during the day. So far I've watched over a season worth of Grey's Anatomy :) My hope is that this week once the pain pills go away I can read more and watch less.




On the second day I felt good enough to sit outside for about 20 minutes. On the third day I sat outside for an hour while we had friends over for dinner. I definitely feel like I am recovering quicker than I thought I would. I don't know if some of that has to do with the fact that I want to recover faster, or that my body was really strong before I went into surgery but whatever it is I'll take it! Today is day five post surgery and I'm only on one pain pill every six hours! I'm happy that everything seems to be running smoothly!!

Fingers crossed {that the positive healing trend continues}...

shoulder surgery...

The title says it all.

I have to have shoulder surgery.

I tried to avoid it. I tried to ignore it. It didn't work. I had an MRI in March and heard the day before we headed out to AZ that I would need surgery. Turns out, somewhere along the line, I tore my labrum which caused a little, tiny cyst to form. The tear must be tiny because they couldn't see that on the MRI but there was definitely a cyst. They say that size, placement, and color of cyst normally only occurs when there is a labrum tear. So we will consider this "exploratory" at the beginning to see where the tear is, but regardless he'll have to take out the cyst.

On June 5th I'll go in for surgery. It's an out patient procedure so I'll go home that night...which I am kind of nervous about. I haven't ever had a major surgery and I'm certainly not looking forward to it!

I'll be in a sling for 6 (LONG) weeks...

practicing wearing the sling...

practicing having my hubby do my hair...

 

After the sling comes off I'll have weeks of physical therapy hopefully followed by some barre3 with modifications.

 

It's funny. I'm not that scared of how my shoulder is going to do. I am afraid of how my mind is going to do without barre3 and how my back is going to do with lack of movement. I know my shoulder will be better after all of this and that's what's getting be through. After 4 or 5 months I should be back to regularly scheduled workouts like I was doing before the injury!!

 

Since I am the queen of planning I've had my sling for a few weeks and have been practicing with it. Though really, my left arm is the best appendage to have surgery on. It isn't on either leg or my dominant hand. It really could be a lot worse...but it's still going to be a struggle for me!! I've also been saving a plethora of movie on Amazon Prime and have been practicing things like putting in contacts one handed, driving one handed, and dressing one handed.

 

Trying to figure out how to maintain some level of movement and strength is going to be tough. I think I'll be doing a LOT of standing barre3 and squats. I also should be able to do a fair amount of upright seated core work. I'm thankful that barre3 has an online component. I also was joking that I was going to just go sit in the back of the studio and soak up the energy. It might not be a joke after a while! Since my physical therapist also goes to barre3 I am hoping she'll be able to teach me some modification's so I can go back sooner than later. I don't want to hurt it but I just love barre3 SO much (incase you couldn't tell)!!!

 

Fingers crossed {to a swift recovery}...