new friends + their kids + us..?!

A lot of the new friends we have made in the last few years have kids. It's inevitable...seeing as we are almost all over 30. The thing is, we don't have kids and I feel like we don't get invited to do as much because of it.

I realized a bit ago that people probably think we don't want to hang around kids. Maybe even that we don't like them. But that couldn't be farther from the truth. Both Jason and I love kids. In fact, one of the reasons I first fell in love with Jason because of his love of kids.

**Time for a flashback**

In the first month of Jason and I meeting I went to watch him teach swimming lessons. He had four little 3 year old girls in his class. They were out on a deck in the middle of the water and needed to get back to the edge...and Jason knew just the way! He help his arms out in a "T" and said "Jump on" and they just into his arms, two on each. My heart instantly melted. From what I can tell from my friends it's kind of rare to have a guy be so open with little kids (keep in mind he was a 21 year old college student)! I have no doubt his years of teaching swimming and the fact that he has a zillion cousins had something to do with it!

**Back to present day**

There are a lot of people out there who I want to become better friends with who have kids. It's my goal to talk with those individuals before summer starts so that they know that we most certainly don't mind being around kids! I'm not saying I'm offering up free babysitting services BUT we'd probably do it if asked :) It would be very fun to be invited to BBQs or game evenings with our friends and their families. Since we don't know if kids are in the cards for us...we might as well enjoy other peoples kids!

With Carrie {barre3 Vancouver owner} and her kiddos at the zoo!

 

TJ, Kitty, and Nee Nee {he can't say Annie}!

It's hard to be the ones without kids when pretty much everyone else has them. It's hard because we tried for so long {another emotional post on that coming soon}. And while we don't know if kids are in our future we do hope that we can build friendships with all these new people we've met - mainly all my barre3 people!! I know a lot of people get together based on their kids ages, sports teams, etc. We don't have that luxury but we most certainly aren't opposed to hanging out with kiddos! I think I just need to be upfront about that and share our views...people probably just don't know them! Another way to make sure this happens is to invite people over to our house, kids included.

Here's to a summer {and longer} of new friends, their kids, and US!

shoulder surgery 2.0 {the details}...

The day before surgery 2.0 I took my last Barre3 class for three months. At the time I thought it would only be 6 weeks but my surgeon had other plans...

12.30.13

I miss this view

I have to say that surgery really went well! Bright and early on New Year's Eve day we checked into the hospital. I was less nervous this time around which I believe led to less pain meds which lead to less of a pain med hangover so that was a good thing! I wasn't nearly as delirious as I was last time...there was no cussing about where by bed had gone ;-)

ready to rock #2

This time around they didn't want me to wear my barre3 bracelets into the surgery center which, for some reason, made me really emotional! Thankfully I have a fabulous husband and he decided that Squirt the teddy bear could wear them as bracelets because he was allowed to come into the operating room again! Seriously, best husband ever!!! Recovery went well, I preferred apple sauce this time around as opposed to crackers.

The surgery ended up being more invasive than we thought. Or really, the tare ended up being worse. I still had a labrum tear but this time I tore the whole thing, where as last time I just tore a portion of it. So this time it was double the repair. He had to go through scar tissue, add 2 more anchors, and 3 more stitches. Something that I learned this time that I didn't conceptually understand last time is that a labrum is like a ligament but it has to reattach to the bone. So it doesn't just have to heal but reattach. Crazy!! I either didn't hear that or understand it last time but this time I do. That is why there won't be any barre3 for 6 weeks after I'm out of the sling...so it can fully heal.

Once we got home I had zero pain, which worried me slightly but one call to the surgeon's nurse assured me that it was okay that I wasn't in pain. The first 4 days were easy - relatively speaking. Day 5 is when the trouble started. Since I wasn't in pain I decided to wean myself off of my pain meds and I did it WAY too fast and had MAJOR withdrawals! Not fun.

Since I haven't been in much pain I've been sleeping in the bed since day 10 - as where last time I was in the recliner for 7 weeks. This has been a nice change of pace, pain wise.

We have been thankful to all of our friends and family who have helped us out in so many ways during this time. The dinners were delicious, the treats exciting, and the time helpful! My Mom spend days 3 & 4 with me so Jason could continue to work. It was nice to spend a few days with her. Unfortunately for Jason days 5 & 6 were the worst ;-)

my online barre3 friend Katie sent me these!

I got them the day we go home...it was a very drug-induced convo explaining who they were from to my husband!

 

barre3 dinner, juice, flowers from the home office & magazines/books

This time around I will be in the sling for 6.5 weeks instead of 5 weeks like last time. I won't be going back to barre3 for at least 6 weeks after that, where as last time I went back after 5 days. I am following all the rules this time...I do not want to do this a 3rd time! This time around is a bit more boring because my friends are all at work but I've been trying to get out of the house every day either to go to the store, the gym to walk on the treadmill {okayed by surgeon} or an appointment.

Things are going good!! 14 more sleeps until the sling comes off!!

Fingers crossed {that this good trend continues}...

shoulder surgery 2.0

...and NOT happy about it.

It's officially official. I am having another shoulder surgery. It's scheduled for December 31st but if I can have it earlier I will. My DR is recommending I be out of work for an extended period of time (well over 2 months) so I'm trying to figure that out...between L&I pay, sick days, and cutting back spending now {during Christmas - haha}...we will make it but it will be stressful.

Stressful. But, as I've been reminded, this is most certainly not the worst thing I could be going through. While I am no where near happy about this, I must remember that.

This time will be a bit different. He'll have to go through scar tissue which won't be fun but what will be most noticeable...it is a different season! I'm trying to focus on figuring out how it will be in the winter.

-- I know I won't be able to drive as much because of the weather - in the summer the roads were always dry but that won't be the case now. It isn't safe for myself or the other people for me to be driving while in the sling.

-- Getting a coat on is going to be near impossible. Good thing I have nice barre3 friends! One of my barre3 friends name Regan {of Cardigans and Couture} has nicely lent me a Nike poncho. It might not be the most stylish thing but for those moments when I can't get my coat on and run to the store because I am by myself it is going to be priceless!

-- Pull On Jeans. Yes, you read that right. Turns out...they're actually a thing. In the summer I just wore yoga pants and hiking pants when we went out. I won't have the torque in my shoulder for months to button jeans! I was joking with my Mom that I needed to buy maternity pants so that I can pull up my own pants and she had an even more stylish suggestion. Jag Jeans have come to the rescue! I have to say...after surgery I might have to own a pair that are my right size. Currently, I own a size 8 because I can get them up with one hand BUT the 6's definitely make my butt look better. But since the sling is stylish enough no one will be looking at my booty ;-)

-- I already know what to expect - both good and bad. I know the pain but I also now know how GOOD being healed can feel. I had 2 glorious weeks before the injury that I could do anything I wanted and I am CRAVING that feeling again!!

Fingers crossed {that version 2.0 goes as smoothly as version 1.0}...

the 2 year mark!!!

Today marks 2 years since my tipping point. And you know how I celebrated...

Kait, Mom, Noel, Bree, Sara, Brooke, Jason

Erica, Me, Sabrina, Alison

{missing from the picture is Brian, Alison's husband}

 

BARRE3, of course!!!

 

I had invited my friends & family to join be at the barre for a class!! I was so happy with the turn out. A few of my village battled Portland rush hour traffic to be there with me. Erica taught a ROCKING class, it was so faced paced I didn't have time to cry. Except for at the end...the tears definitely came! Erica played "Girl on Fire" and dedicated it to me and then I looked around and saw my husband, Mom, and some of the very best friends a girl could ask for.

 

Flowers and cards from three of my biggest cheerleaders.

 

Carrie - owner of barre3 who accepted me for who I was and treats me like one of her own!

Amanda - my personal trainer who believed in me LONG before I believed in myself.

Kait & the barre3 Home Office - who continue to support & surprise me with their generosity.

Cards from Carrie & Amanda

The words on the outside are powerful. The words on the inside made my cry.

 

Afterwards Jason, Bree, Noel and I went to grab dinner since it was 7:30 and we were starving. We headed to the Mexican restaurant that shares a parking lot with barre3. It'd been a very long time since I'd been to a Mexican restaurant. Part of me really, REALLY wanted to get a cheese quesadilla but my friends reminded me I didn't need that. Instead I got a taco salad and it was very good!

 

Me, Noel & Bree

These two have stood by me and lifted me up through some of the roughest patches of my life.

 

Jason & I

I just love him SSSOOO much!!!

 

I have many feelings about this milestone and the future...

 

 

It is going to be interesting to see how this "maintenance" part of my change goes. I've been the same weight for about 12 weeks now so I really do consider myself in maintenance. Sure, I want to get tighter and more toned but I don't think my number on the scale is going to move easily anymore - and that's okay! I know I will never go back to where I was!! More on how I plan to tackle the maintenance part of my journey, later!

 

Fingers crossed {that maintenance is as easy as losing weight was}!!!

{30 thoughts} tomorrow

Tomorrow will be 2 years, or 731 days {yes, there was a leap year}, since I hit my tipping point.

I don't quite know how to put what I am feeling into words. So I'm going to choose one that truly sums up how I feel.

 I'M GRATEFUL FOR

{in no particular order}

 

Jason, Amanda, Mom, Dad, Sabrina, Sara, Carrie, Sadie, Kait, Danielle, the struggle, Angela {massage}, Diane {acupuncture}, Tony {chiro}, Brooke & Corinne {PT}, Robyn, books, Kim, barre3, Bree, Kathy, Cari, Robyn, FitBit, the scale, PCOS, the tape measure, Endo, PCOS doc, courage, strength, Dr Wei {shoulder}, this blog, other blogs, Instagram, Facebook, joy, Erica, Salina, Stacey, Eryn, Alison, Katie, Lynne, Wendy, Amanda, all my aunts - uncles - cousins - grandparents, cookbooks, my in-laws, weight watchers, Harper, all the barre3 home office team members, Chris L, coworkers, myself, my fear, New Seasons, my passion, my body, my mind, new opportunities {QVC, Just Jenny, b3 convention}, those who doubted me, those who encouraged me.

 

I'm sure I'll be editing and adding to this list for a day or more!

 

Fingers crossed {the next 2 years are as exciting as the last 2}!!!

{30 thoughts} food for thought...

Tomorrow morning we are heading back to Jason's alma mater and the place where we met, Washington State University.

2004 ~ our first picture together

As we were starting to plan our journey I came to the realization that everything I wanted to do revolved around food. The bean dip at Casa Lopez, ice cream & cheese at Ferdinan's, breadsticks at Sella's, beer at My Office & The Coug, and last {but the most important}, wine at Camas Prairie Winery.

And then as I started to think about where I wanted to go...I started to think about what I was going to eat. I know what the old me would eat...but should the new me eat that? Does the new me want to eat that? Will I feel deprived if I don't eat certain items I used to love? Will I feel cheated because we don't go back to Pullman often {this is the first time in 5 years we've been back}.

2008

Food is such an emotional item. It can remind us of good and bad times. Happy memories with fun people or memories we'd wish to forget. Looking back now it seems as though almost all of our memories are centered around food {and alcohol}!

Here is my plan. Friday go to Casa and have chips & bean dip {OMHell the bean dip is the best ever on the planet} and have the taco salad instead of the quesadilla. The quesadilla there isn't my "favorite" {that's at Chevy's} therefore I don't need to have it. Have one scoop of ice cream at Ferdinan's because it truly is the best ice cream ever {chocolate peanut butter}. I'm going to try to eat slowly, savor the flavors, and focus on the company we are with.

One of the best things about going back to Pullman is our friends. We are staying with a friend of mine who I met while teaching in Idaho and she is wonderful. I went to visit her last summer and even then she catered to my food needs. She called the other day to ask what I liked for breakfast! How amazing is that?!?! We are seeing Jason's old boss {who I used to babysit for} and she asked me what we could have for Friday night dessert! I feel so fortunate to have people who love me enough to ask what I need. How lucky am I?!?!

2008

I am so looking forward to a weekend away without my husband's work phone!! Since he is taking a vacation day tomorrow he gets to turn it off! WHOOP!

Here's to great friends, good food, and taking the time to enjoy them both.

Fingers crossed {for NO rain}!!!

{30 thoughts} change is hard...

...on relationships & my thought process {and more, but that's for another post}. This journey hasn't been all about weight loss. I'm truly changing every aspect of my life.

I have been mulling over how to write this post for a week. The best way...be honest. Here goes nothing {and a lot of self-reflection}.

My relationships (both family & friends) have been lop-sided in the past. I know I take a lot of energy to be with and I'm truly trying to change that. Trying to listen more and talk less {my Mom just laughed out loud}, trying to call "just because" instead of tell a certain story, to ask what others want to do instead of just suggesting what I want to do. Problem is, change is hard. I LOVE to plan, I LOVE attention, and I LOVE my family & my friends. There's the honest truth.

I had a very {very} good friend tell me the other day that she knows I am changing because she can see I am trying very hard not to talk about others behind their backs. My husband {whom I love with my whole heart} told me that he likes to be around me now more than he did in the past because I am the happiest I've been since we've been together. I'm scared to know what my Mom would say but I bet it would be good {she is my most honest critic}. The fact that my friends & family can tell me these things means the world to me. Last year I would not have reacted with a "thank you" - I would have been pissed.

My thought process is changing. Here's a weird example: someone speeds up and cuts me off. My old reaction {and my husband's current reaction} is to get pissed, honk, flip the bird, speed up, and/or etc. For the most part I now try to think something along the lines of "I hope they aren't in a hurry to get to a bad situation" or "I'm going to back off so I don't get into a wreck with them if they lose control". You know what else is changing...what I want to spend my time doing. I used to go out to HH {happy hour, for those of you not in the know} multiple times a week. Now I want to go to barre3 or on a walk most days. Sure, I wouldn't mind a HH after barre3 once in a while but lots of my friends want to go right after work which is prime barre3 time! I've found through trial & error that working out after HH isn't always the best idea. I want to spend my time with people who enrich my life and who like to be active. Don't get me wrong...I'm all for a good HH sometimes {like tonight with my new staff} but multiple times every week. It just isn't me anymore.

Fingers crossed {that these changes continue to be positive}...

{30 thoughts} ask for what you want...

Eating outside of my house is a weekly struggle. Between dinners with the hubby {which are a tad easier because I can always control the destination} and happy hours, I'd say I eat out two days a week. Often when it is during the week and Jason is involved I will head to Pita Pit or somewhere where I can get a quick salad! Happy hour and regular restaurants are a different story.

As with many things in life, when I am by the "best of something" I will have it. My favorite fries are at The Island Café which happens to not be open year round, which is convenient. I have yet to decide where my favorite mac & cheese is. My favorite quesadilla is at Chevys.

The rest of the time, I stick to salads. With major modifications. I've been called picky, spoiled, difficult - all by waiters. And you know what...I am damn proud of that. If I don't want to eat cheese, I ask for no cheese. If I want a different kind of chicken, I ask for it. The key is...it is MY responsibility to ask for it. People are not mind readers. It truly is that simple. If you don't want it...DON'T ORDER IT!!! It is the waiters job to get you want you want not to know what you should be eating.

One way I have tried to turn "eating out" into "eating in" is by having friends over or going to their house! It does take more planning, it can sometimes cost more money, but I know that I won't bring things I don't want to eat as much of to someone else's house (or my own).

Bree & I eating at her apartment in Portland.

She made the soup and I brought the salad!

I have friends who really like to go to Mexican restaurants but chips are my weakness {and my husband's kryptonite}. No matter if we ask for chips or not - we get them! I get it, that's why most people go to a Mexican restaurant but sometimes my willpower just cannot handle it! Oh, and lets not talk about the cheese that is in everything!! YUMMMMMM.

The moral of this post is...ask for what you want. If you want to eat in, tell your friends & family. If you want to eat out, see if you can choose the restaurant.

If not. Try to make good choices and if you don't, try next time. Life goes on regardless of what you eat!

Fingers crossed {I don't go to "eating crazy" when I go to Pullman in 1.5 weeks}...

23 months later...

Today marks the 23 month mark since my tipping point. 1 month to go until I hit the 2 year mark...check back to the blog frequently...there's going to be a LOT going on this month!!!

I've mentioned it and told the story but I have never, ever {not even on Facebook} shared these pictures! I had to DIG them off of my PC which gets used about 5 times a year.

This is what I made for the party. Butter ridden witches fingers cookies with Oreo cookies crushed at the bottom!

 

Jason and I. I remember the reason I went as a devil was because I could wear regular clothes and just add a few things to do and it would be a costume. I didn't fit into regular costumes, I wouldn't have been comfortable in them! I wore a size 1X black button up shirt with a size 1X red tank top paired with size 18W jeans. I still have this outfit, or at least the pants!

 

 

Sabrina and I.

 

This next picture shocks me!! It's the girth of my body. From the front I got used to how hold or pose my body. The side view is very, very, very unforgiving.

{click on this picture to enlarge it. it will shock you. it made me cry.}

 

Picture this. I'm at a Halloween party with my coworkers. Two of them are talking about how, when they were pregnant, they got around or over 200 pounds. And it wasn't like they were just stating that as a number, there were comments (unknowing of my weight) about how they couldn't imagine being that weight without being pregnant. Now imagine my thoughts as I'm standing there, not pregnant, at what I knew was likely over 200 pounds. It wasn't a good conversation going on in my head. I actually stopped drinking because I knew if I didn't I'd say something I'd regret. I was standing there, amongst my friends, totally self-loathing myself. UG. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. Looking back, that moment, was one of my lowest moments and I didn't want to feel like that anymore. I needed to change. I went home that night, got the scale out from the box under the bed {where it had been in hiding} and stepped on. I wish I'd taken a picture but I know without a shadow of a doubt it said 220 pounds. They know they are part of my journey. They didn't know for a while but at the one year mark I wrote them thank you notes because I am thankful.

 

Danielle and I

 

She's one of the two reasons I had this tipping point of mine. Afterwards she has been one of my biggest supporters. She convinced me I could do the Spartan Race (which I had to skip because of shoulder surgery), she brought me new foods to try & was always willing to be a workout buddy - even when my pace was much slower than hers! I am so appreciative of her friendship!

 

That day seems like so long ago but I remember every detail of it like it was yesterday. I think I would have eventually had tipping point. I mean, you'd think I'd have had to. We will never know. What I do know is that I am thankful for this day.

 

I am thankful for the courage, strength, knowledge, body acceptance, friends, opportunities, skills, body, inspirations, tears, chances, and life this night has given to me.

 

When I've told my story, especially to people that I know are likely struggling with weight themselves, I try to remember how I felt. I have told this story to many people and it is my sincere hope that I have not hurt any of their feelings...yet sparked something inside of them. I know weight isn't an easy thing to talk about and people have to be ready, most of the time. I've been told a few times that that is indeed the case, it's the other times I'm not as sure as!

 

Fingers crossed {that I can be some one's inspiration}!!!

100 and my first giveaway!

No...I have not lost 100 pounds (but i have lost 75 but that's another post). There are other exciting things that have to do with the number 100 that we need to talk about!!

This little post right here, this is my 100th post on this blog! What started out documenting my PCOS journey to inform my family and friends so I didn't have to repeat the story over and over again has morphed into a blog about how I have changed my life!

Just before my shoulder surgery I hit another 100 milestone...my 100th barre3 class!!! It just so happened to coincide with two of my good friends from high school trip down to Vancouver! My best friend Bree and my mom ended up surprising me and coming to the class also. It was a very wonderful morning.

L to R: Kalli, Melanie, mom, Bree, me! I just realized that these ladies composed 50% of my bridesmaids!

Bree and her niece Maya made me this awesome banner! It says "100 BARRE 3's CONGRATS ANNIE". I was very overwhelmed by her thoughtfulness. It is always fun to introduce new people to Barre3. Kalli and Melanie were friends number 34 & 35 of people who I have brought to a barre3 class! Someday soon I'll get to 40 (in only two more people, as of today, for the record).

This is me in front of the 'flagship' Barre3 in the Pearl District in Portland, Oregon. Those nifty purple pants I'm rocking are my 70 pound weight loss reward!! One of my good friends Kim gave me a gift certificate to Athleta for my birthday and told me to wait until I hit a big milestone to spend it. I'm pretty much in love with my purple pants.

As you may have guessed I'm also very much in love with Barre3 and since it is my 100th post I wanted to do a little Barre3 giveaway*!!

Annie's barre3 giveaway*...
- One month online workout subscription
- One barre workout ball (I will mail it to you)
- The possibility of becoming addicted to barre3 :-)

Rules...
- Anyone can enter. If you are from outside the US and it's too spendy to ship the barre ball to, you'll have to get your own! They're $9 on amazon.
- If you live in the Portland area and would rather have a gift certificate for one studio class (instead of the one month online subscription) we can arrange that!
- The giveaway will be closed at the end of the day on Sunday, June 30th, 2013. The drawing will be random!
- How to win - leave a comment in this post telling me your name and favorite body part of yours! I'm hoping this is enough info for me to get in touch with you if you win!!

*barre3 is not sponsoring this giveaway. I love this program so much I am paying for someone else to reap the benefits!

Fingers crossed {that the winner falls in love with Barre3}...

just down the hall....

...is one of my biggest inspirations!


My coworker Amy has been on her life style change for a few years now! She started her journey in the second half of 2010, Which is just about a year before me. Her beginning weight was within a couple of pounds of my beginning weight, so when I first started my journey it was very motivating to see someone who was as overweight as I was, could do it.

Amy is a weight watchers fanatic!! She loyally tracked every single day and now runs her own weight watchers meetings!! Amy lost her weight by eating correctly, talking to people about what she was learning, and by becoming a runner.



The pictures in the left-hand column are from our end of year staff retreat in June 2010. Amy says this is pretty much right before her tipping point. I still had a year and a half until my tipping point and I would bet I gained another 20-25 pounds from this picture when I was at my heaviest. From both of our heaviest we have lost 154 pounds combined!!! That's more than either of us weight now!

It's quite an awesome experience to have someone losing weight the healthy way who you work with. It's daily motivation.

Fingers crossed {that I continue to inspire others}...

happy {barre3} 30th birthday to me!

My birthday is officially my favorite holiday. Who doesn't like a day all about you?!?! And, according to HolidayInsights.com, March 16th is "Everything you do is right day". Um...can you say coincidence!!!

This year I truly wanted to spend time with people who truly love me and will be in my life for a long, long time to come! I also wanted to say thank you to all the people who helped me get where I am today. This last year, year and a half, has been a battle and a blessing.

I decided to spend the day with the people I love the most, at the place I love the most, barre3.

before.

 

Standing: Jason {husband}, Diane {acupuncturist}, Angela {massage therapist}, Megan {college roommate/friend}, Danielle {coworker and 1/2 of the "tipping point"}, Sam {Sabrina's BF}, Chris {BIL}, Kathy {family friend}, Allison {My Mom}, Mike {FIL}, Bree {Best Friend - 19.5 years}, Matt {BIL}, Brooke {Physical Therapist}.

 

Kneeling: ME, Robyn {Best friend - 18 years}, Kim {college friend}, Sabrina {Best Friend}, Penny {Step-MIL}, Katie {coworker/friend}, Salina {barre3 instructor}

 

There were a few more people invited but couldn't attend that are certainly missing from the picture of my support group!! Oh, incase you've noticed, they are wearing name tags. I wanted Salina to be able to know who they all were. Also, I think it helped some of them know each other. Many of them had met each other only once or so.

As a surprise to the group I decided to lead the instruction. I was SSSOOO nervous but as Salina reminded me, everyone who was there loved me and supported me! My favorite part was her advise just before we started - "Don't look at anyone in the eyes, especially the boys. They will mess up your rhythm". It was so true!!

Leading the warm-up!! I'm in the orange.

Step Taps.

Almost perfect synchronization.

Planking!!

 

Carousel Horse.

Look at the view! I wanted to face them all at some point. I definitely shed a tear. I have an amazing group of people in my life.

Making our booties look good.

The Mom-A-Ratzi getting Jason and I during core work.

I love this place and I love these people.

Teaching my hubby the in's and out's of b3.

Salina, our instructor. She is simply amazing!!!

My father-in-law. He cracked me up. Such a good support to do this for me!

My Mom!! She's been one of my biggest supporters.

 

After. No one is passed out laying down so I consider that a success!

 

I cannot say it enough, I love my family and friends. They have molded and shaped my life in so many ways over time. Barre3 has also changed my life. It couldn't have been a better day, combining the people I love with the place I loved. I get the chills just thinking about it.

 

The best part...my husband could barely walk for 3 days after because he was so sore. I definitely did not evilly laugh at him whenever he got up from the recliner. I swear.

 

Fingers crossed {that we do this again next year}!!!