where would I be...?

Let me start out my saying that I haven't hurt anything ;-)

It's been a tough week emotionally! This last Thursday was the 1 year anniversary of my first shoulder surgery and 155 days since surgery #2. 

pre surgery #1

pre surgery #2

It's VERY hard not to think where would I be if I had not had to have surgery #2. I could be doing plank, picking up anything over 5 pounds, training with my trainer, riding bikes, playing golf, and not having flabby arms!

I know it is time to look on the brighter side of things! I am so thankful that I have a stellar pair of physical therapists!! I'm lucky that I am able to afford two surgeries and the recovery activities that come along with them. 

Every few weeks my shoulder get stronger & stronger and we up the weight & resistance in my exercises. Then the pain & soreness creeps back in and I get frustrated. I'm tying really hard to remind myself that sore is better than pain. 

It's my goal to stop feeling sorry for myself and to start feeling thankful for all the I have, including a shoulder that is on it's way to being healthy. 

Fingers crossed {that I get some of these restrictions released on June 16th}!!!

I talk to myself...do you?

I know...it sounds weird but it is so, so true! I spend a vast majority of the day talking to myself. Not just thinking, but actually talking out loud! 

I do it because I need to. For so long I was such a negative person - talking down to myself, talking about others in negative ways, judging people I'd never met, and just basically being miserable! It wasn't a good existence. Over the last two years, as I have lost the weight, gained a love for barre3, and had to focus on myself more than ever before, I feel like I have truly changed but it hasn't been without a lot of work!

Throughout the last few years I have spent a lot of time talking to myself. It used to be all negative and sometimes still occasionally is, lets be real...we are our toughest critics. That's why this post is happening. The last two months after my second shoulder surgery have been rough. With no exact date to my barre3 ban known, a basic lack of motivation and without my friends being off of work at the same time of me - leading to boredom I'm definitely feeling deflated. Then the other day I YELLED at myself - SNAP OUT OF IT! Things aren't as bad as you think!!! And that was when I realized how negative I was being. Here's a few of the examples of how I talk to myself...

~ You just had surgery so your arms are supposed to look like that.
~ If you eat cheese, you will get zits. Don't eat the cheese.
~ You can go to the gym for an hour. If you were at your best you'd be going to barre3 for an hour. That's the same amount of time, just a different activity.
~ You don't need Burgerville. Especially when you are by yourself in the car. If you're going to eat fast food - always eat it with others to be accountable.
~ Stop avoiding something you should really be doing! {I was funneling cheese into a smaller container when I was supposed to be writing a letter of rec}
~ You've already walked for 30 minutes, turn on another Sex & The City episode and continue walking!
~ Don't text while driving. You don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else
~ Sit up straighter.

These are just a few examples from the past few days!

Do you talk to yourself either out loud or in your head? I think we all have some sort of self talking go on - especially when it comes to foods!

Fingers crossed {that my self talk becomes more and more positive}!!!