where would I be...?

Let me start out my saying that I haven't hurt anything ;-)

It's been a tough week emotionally! This last Thursday was the 1 year anniversary of my first shoulder surgery and 155 days since surgery #2. 

pre surgery #1

pre surgery #2

It's VERY hard not to think where would I be if I had not had to have surgery #2. I could be doing plank, picking up anything over 5 pounds, training with my trainer, riding bikes, playing golf, and not having flabby arms!

I know it is time to look on the brighter side of things! I am so thankful that I have a stellar pair of physical therapists!! I'm lucky that I am able to afford two surgeries and the recovery activities that come along with them. 

Every few weeks my shoulder get stronger & stronger and we up the weight & resistance in my exercises. Then the pain & soreness creeps back in and I get frustrated. I'm tying really hard to remind myself that sore is better than pain. 

It's my goal to stop feeling sorry for myself and to start feeling thankful for all the I have, including a shoulder that is on it's way to being healthy. 

Fingers crossed {that I get some of these restrictions released on June 16th}!!!

Bend & my gut feeling...

I went to BEAUTIFUL Bend, Oregon for the long Memorial Day weekend with my hubby, one of my best friends & her boyfriend. We had never been, they had. We rented a little house a few blocks from downtown and definitely fell in love.

Sabrina is GF/DF because of Rheumatoid Arthritis and we eat healthy normally so we decided to bring a little bit of our own food! I brought fruit, Mary's Gone crackers, bacon, and 2 bottle of wine :) Sabrina brought veggies, hummus, chips/salsa, and eggs. During our trip we walked over 8 miles on both Saturday and Sunday on hikes and around town. It was so great to walk almost everywhere we went and I managed to get in a barre3 Bend class {or course}!!!

PDX storms barre3 Bend!

My plan for the weekend was to enjoy myself, eat what I wanted but not go crazy. Since it was our first time in Bend, which is known for great restaurants and even better breweries, I knew I'd drink beer and have a few foods off my normal plan. I don't consider this "cheating" because the definition of cheating is: getting a reward for ability by dishonest means; finding an easy way out of an unpleasant situation; or breaking the rules. Sure, I was "breaking" the barre3 challenge rules and how I eat most of the time but I believe in the 80%/20% rule and stick to it almost every day. So a few days "off" wouldn't be too bad...right?!

Sam, Sabrina, Jason & Me

My food for the weekend went a little like this...

Friday - Driving down
- 1/2 a wrap from NS and 1 pint worth of two sides from NS.
Saturday.
- Homemade eggs, bacon, fruit
- Pulled Pork with potato salad from Crux Fermentation Project
- 1 piece of pizza from 10 barrel
- 4 beers over 6+ hours
Sunday
- 3 eggs baked omelet & a bowl of fruit from Victorian Cafe
- Snacks of veggies/hummus/chips/salsa
- 1/4 of a hamburger & 1/2 serving fries from Worthy
- 3 beers over 4+ hours
Monday. Drive home
- 2 eggs with Veggies & a cup of steamed almond milk

Smith Rock

We hiked around - not up & down {risk of falling too great}

barre3 after the hike. 

I promise I did not ever have that pole in my hand during the hike!

I want to talk about my dinner on Sunday {and the real reason for this post} which left me with a weird feeling in my gut. Literally and figuratively. We went to the gorgeous brewery Worthy which is a few minutes drive away from our house & downtown Bend. They had a GORGEOUS outdoor area where we luckily got sat. It was in the sun, we had beers in our hand. And I'd been craving a cheese burger. But not any cheese burger, I knew the one I wanted from the Island Cafe in Portland but I thought any cheese burger would do. I debated for 15 minutes as to what I was going to have and decided to order a burger & fries "because I'd been craving them". Before I even ate the burger I was full from the water on our hike and snacks I'd had after it.

What I believe now is that I was craving what the old Annie would have wanted in that situation. There is still a huge part of my psyche that is the old Annie, especially when it's something I can't have often - a certain restaurant that isn't local, a beer that is only available in one location. It's the thought of not being able to get it again that drives me crazy. And that is crazy. Because feeling like crap isn't worth any food and I think I learned my lesson last weekend.

I'm going out of town for 2 full weeks {plus any additional weekends here & there} so I'll have plenty of practice eating out and making good choices. What makes me the most upset is that my barre3 family gave me SO many great ideas of healthy places to eat and since the people we were with wanted to eat at the breweries, I chose to also. I know I could have chosen something else but I didn't. Maybe next time I will...

Fingers crossed {that my choices keep getting better & better}...

PS. We cannot wait to go back to Bend ASAP!!!

b3 challenge - starting week 2

Today was day one of week two of the barre3 spring challenge! So far my favorite part has been connecting with people on Instagram, my jeans fitting better, and proving to myself that I can do this!

week one - done!

Week one went really well. I got all my classes & 10 minutes in, made great connections, lost 1 pound and had NO treats from the staff room. Which, during teacher appreciation week, is saying a LOT about my level of self control. I might have had a few too many barre3 treats but I figure those are better than the processed stuff any day!

I know from past experiences that this week will be hard! It's the week when I'll want the treats I didn't allow myself to have last week. It will be the week that my mind wants the things my body used to crave. Thankfully, I've already scheduled my classes for the week, my snacks are prepped, and I have the whole barre3 community watching me! Peer pressure is a wonderful thing sometimes.

Here's some pictures of week one!!!

hers & his smoothies

I always pack my bag the night before! One less thing in the AM!

I think I am the only one at barre3 Vancouver bringing my orange ball!

Had an awesome HH Friday class at barre3 Williams!

Whitney, Me, Sarah, Maggie

My goal this week is to make myself proud. 

Fingers crossed {that week 2 is just as good as week 1}...

back at it...barre3 challenge style!

WOW! Has it really been over a month since I've posted!?!? I kind of can't believe it but then what I look back at what I've been up to I can!

I'll definitely go back and update you on things that have been happening but starting today I want to go forward. Forward in all things in my life but mainly, the barre3 Spring Challenge!

This couldn't have come at a more perfect time for me! I'm allowed to do barre3 (granted - with major modifications) and I gained 7 pounds after this second shoulder surgery so my body definitely needs it. Yes, I know the number on the scale shouldn't mean anything but it's not just about the weight. It's about how my clothes fit and how I feel. My clothes fit tight and my body feel bloated!

I didn't do barre3 from December 31st - March 24th. It was, quite possibly, the worst 3 months of my life. I was so down about surgery #2 and not being able to do barre3 that I just gave up. Well, not all the way but was definitely more lax that I should have been (can you say CHEESE?!?!). But you know what, that's okay, to an extent. It's going to happen again (and again) and now I know how much I don't like the feeling of letting myself go! I have learned from the past and hopefully when a big event in my future comes I'll know how to handle it better!

I think the toughest part of the bulge is that I'm having to actually work to get it off! Up until last June when I had surgery #1 and plateaued at my weight I hadn't struggled to lose weight...it just came off! Lucky, I know!

I'm hoping this barre3 spring challenge will be my newest jumping off point! Here are the details...And, as with almost anything, you can make it your own! My fellow barre3 Ambassador Robyn is also blogging her way through the challenge and all things whole, good food! Check her out!

~ 4 studio classes per week
~ 2, 10 minute online workouts per week
~ Whole, fresh, organic foods using the barre3 nutrition guidelines

There is a menu plan but I'm not going to follow it each and every day because I just know my brain doesn't work like that. And that's part of the process - learning what works for you and your family. We work better when we have 4 meals per week planned and we can have them when we want!

Day One of food & earning my barre3 sticker!!

Day two Strawberry Shortcake Smoothie. +banana for Jason

This is the first challenge I've been able to do since I did the tester round of barre3 28-to-Great back in September 2012. I think back then I wasn't as ready as I needed to be...but this time I'm in. ALL IN!

Fingers crossed {that in 1 month I feel 100% better}...

Products I Love ~ Table Topics

Jason and I used to eat in front of the TV every single night, mindlessly eating, staring, and not talking to each other. A few months ago I just decided I'd had enough and we started sitting at the table and we've sat there every night since. And a few weeks ago it took an amazing turn!

Have you heard of Table Topics? We are officially in love with them! It's a box of cards that are all centered around a common theme. The ones pictured here are the "couples" box and we also own the "what would you do" box! We've actually had these for a few years and just never used them and I'm so glad they have a use now.

 

Once we've started to sit down to eat we usually are continuing our venting talking about our days at work that we started when Jason gets home. But we've been making a shift towards answering about 5 cards a night, starting when we start to each. It is truly a wonderful way to turn what used to be a boring, lifeless time in our day turned into flowing conversations, laughter, and great memories!!!

 

playing Couples Table Topics

 

Table Topics really can be for anyone! There are kids, happiness, girls night out, pillow park, and so many more options! They would make great engagement, wedding, or mother's day presents! You can buy most of them on Amazon, though not all of them. So if you have Amazon Prime it'd be worth looking into for the free shipping aspect!

 

Fingers crossed {that you try them soon}!!!

new friends + their kids + us..?!

A lot of the new friends we have made in the last few years have kids. It's inevitable...seeing as we are almost all over 30. The thing is, we don't have kids and I feel like we don't get invited to do as much because of it.

I realized a bit ago that people probably think we don't want to hang around kids. Maybe even that we don't like them. But that couldn't be farther from the truth. Both Jason and I love kids. In fact, one of the reasons I first fell in love with Jason because of his love of kids.

**Time for a flashback**

In the first month of Jason and I meeting I went to watch him teach swimming lessons. He had four little 3 year old girls in his class. They were out on a deck in the middle of the water and needed to get back to the edge...and Jason knew just the way! He help his arms out in a "T" and said "Jump on" and they just into his arms, two on each. My heart instantly melted. From what I can tell from my friends it's kind of rare to have a guy be so open with little kids (keep in mind he was a 21 year old college student)! I have no doubt his years of teaching swimming and the fact that he has a zillion cousins had something to do with it!

**Back to present day**

There are a lot of people out there who I want to become better friends with who have kids. It's my goal to talk with those individuals before summer starts so that they know that we most certainly don't mind being around kids! I'm not saying I'm offering up free babysitting services BUT we'd probably do it if asked :) It would be very fun to be invited to BBQs or game evenings with our friends and their families. Since we don't know if kids are in the cards for us...we might as well enjoy other peoples kids!

With Carrie {barre3 Vancouver owner} and her kiddos at the zoo!

 

TJ, Kitty, and Nee Nee {he can't say Annie}!

It's hard to be the ones without kids when pretty much everyone else has them. It's hard because we tried for so long {another emotional post on that coming soon}. And while we don't know if kids are in our future we do hope that we can build friendships with all these new people we've met - mainly all my barre3 people!! I know a lot of people get together based on their kids ages, sports teams, etc. We don't have that luxury but we most certainly aren't opposed to hanging out with kiddos! I think I just need to be upfront about that and share our views...people probably just don't know them! Another way to make sure this happens is to invite people over to our house, kids included.

Here's to a summer {and longer} of new friends, their kids, and US!

I talk to myself...do you?

I know...it sounds weird but it is so, so true! I spend a vast majority of the day talking to myself. Not just thinking, but actually talking out loud! 

I do it because I need to. For so long I was such a negative person - talking down to myself, talking about others in negative ways, judging people I'd never met, and just basically being miserable! It wasn't a good existence. Over the last two years, as I have lost the weight, gained a love for barre3, and had to focus on myself more than ever before, I feel like I have truly changed but it hasn't been without a lot of work!

Throughout the last few years I have spent a lot of time talking to myself. It used to be all negative and sometimes still occasionally is, lets be real...we are our toughest critics. That's why this post is happening. The last two months after my second shoulder surgery have been rough. With no exact date to my barre3 ban known, a basic lack of motivation and without my friends being off of work at the same time of me - leading to boredom I'm definitely feeling deflated. Then the other day I YELLED at myself - SNAP OUT OF IT! Things aren't as bad as you think!!! And that was when I realized how negative I was being. Here's a few of the examples of how I talk to myself...

~ You just had surgery so your arms are supposed to look like that.
~ If you eat cheese, you will get zits. Don't eat the cheese.
~ You can go to the gym for an hour. If you were at your best you'd be going to barre3 for an hour. That's the same amount of time, just a different activity.
~ You don't need Burgerville. Especially when you are by yourself in the car. If you're going to eat fast food - always eat it with others to be accountable.
~ Stop avoiding something you should really be doing! {I was funneling cheese into a smaller container when I was supposed to be writing a letter of rec}
~ You've already walked for 30 minutes, turn on another Sex & The City episode and continue walking!
~ Don't text while driving. You don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else
~ Sit up straighter.

These are just a few examples from the past few days!

Do you talk to yourself either out loud or in your head? I think we all have some sort of self talking go on - especially when it comes to foods!

Fingers crossed {that my self talk becomes more and more positive}!!!