Wednesday, March 7, 2012

a little break down...

I am overwhelmed.

I hate insulin resistance. I want it to go away. I don't want it to be here. Everything I've ever loved is now what I need to avoid. For a few weeks now I've been doing this "Well I'll just eat less of them" but in reality I need to be eating none. Like, none.

Bad carbs are everything white and processed. Basically 80% or more of my pantry. I was at the grocery store today and I realized I used to eat rice-a-roni and baked potatoes multiple times a week, sometimes on the same day! Man, I just didn't realize I was starting to kill myself.

I think this quote is perfect for this post because I do not think I can be strong when it comes to eliminating these foods from my diet. I mean - how in the hell is that going to work eating out, at my 3 day country music festival in the middle of a dirt field, when I go to people's houses for dinner, on an air plane?!?!?! {Insert worry wart here}
I know the logical explanation - I will get used to it and I will make it happen but this is going to be really hard.

**I wrote the above words 2 days ago and I haven't really changed my feelings. After a few small break downs I'm still not sure where to go. I have to change, that I know. But it is hard to think about "quitting" all the things I love. Jason and many of my family & friends say it is all about moderation but some of it has to be about what I eat.

I am meeting with a nutritionist tomorrow. While she is not a dietitians I'm hoping she can help me understand what insulin resistance is. I am also meeting up for dinner with an old friend, my old tennis doubles partner to be exact, who had Type 1 diabetes and has for her whole life. I'm hoping that reconnecting with her {which we actually did before all of this} that she will be a help and a part of my team.

I do have a very good team though. Supportive husband, amazing parents, wonderful friends and some pretty awesome co-workers.

Hopefully this is one of my last pity parties for a while...

Fingers crossed.

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