Thursday, March 8, 2012

if it isn't one thing...'s another.

I took a sick day today and headed to Ear, Nose & Throat for a confirmation of what I already knew - I have another sinus infection. Joyus. Just want I want to deal with. But I wanted to get ahead of it because we are going to Kauai in 22 days and I DO.NOT want to be sick in Hawaii. Plus my birthday {the big 2 - 9} is next on to Augmentin I go. 10 days of fun. And because I've been sick I haven't been working out and I can definitely tell a difference about how I feel both physically and how I feel about myself - I feel guilty for not going but I just don't want to push myself, right now, because I don't want to break. And these days, I feel like I'm always on the verge of a breakdown.

On an IR related note, I met with a woman who is a Certified Holistic Health Practitioner which is basically like a nutritionist/natural remedy type person.

Originally I wanted to do this "all natural" but I think I wasn't ready to put the energy and research and whatnot into it so I just started taking Metformin for the IR. I'm not still not opposed to doing it the natural way but I want to do more research and meet more people. My "health coach" {we'll just call her that for simplicity's sake} has a few people she will recommend me too.

From the jist that I got from meeting with her today is she will work on the food side of it ~ which is where my major anxiety and worry and fears are currently. She is mighty expensive but I know she cares and she's actually personal friends with my massage therapist and my chiropractor, which somehow makes me feel better.

She said she dives deep to discover the reasons we eat food and why our bodies crave different kinds of food. I kept saying "well I have this" or "I have that" and she kept telling me "You are Annie and this is the battle you are fighting right now" and that this doesn't have to define me. There were many times I almost broke down and if we hadn't been at a Starbuck's I probably would have. I was already feeling so deflated by he sinus infection, by the fact that I let myself down and ate some mac & cheese today, that I am negative, that I haven't done my homework...the list could go on!!! She could tell at points I was getting emotional and she said that meant I was ready and I am ready. I'm scared shitless but I am ready. I have to make this change for me, my husband, my {hopefully} future family. I need to make this change so that I don't get diabetes, so that I feel better about myself, and so that I am healthy.

It is time to make the change - no matter the cost, the amount of tears, the demons within myself that I will be facing {and trust me, there are a lot of them}.

I am so thankful to have wonderful family and friends during this time in my life. I need them now, probably more than I ever have. It's going to be a long struggle and I am bound to fall off the horse but I hope by surrounding myself with a professional team and my home team that it will be "as easy as it can". I need to learn to trust myself, love myself, and become who I am to be for the rest of my life.

Fingers crossed.

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